It is raining, I am sitting in the kitchen, and I’m not sure what to do.
Not being sure what to do has become my new thing. Well, not really new; I never seem to know what to do these days, how to proceed, and have been dithering for months now. Looking back at my blog, and at my life over the past year or so, it is glaringly obvious that I should stop drinking, and so WHY CAN’T I MANAGE IT?
Shortly after writing my last post, my son became ill and has been off school since then. He is 13, and has been ill a lot. When he was only a few weeks old, he had to go to hospital for a few days as he was dangerously ill; it was so stressful, trying to look after a tiny baby in a ward, and worrying about him. Whenever he is ill now, it plunges both of us into a kind of depression, and though I was fine-ish during the day over the course of this week, looking after him, as soon as my husband got home, I would slink into the kitchen and drink.
So this is what has been happening over the past few days. I cancelled the counsellor, I closed down my blog for a bit, I angrily said to myself that I was fine.
It’s still raining. My son is getting better. I can hear him moving about in the next room. I feel lost. But thank you for all your comments after my last post. I can’t tell you how many times I read, and reread them.