I begin

I want to do this; I need to do this. I have 100% had enough and am worn out. I’m starting today: no alcohol at all. I am putting all my strength, hope and determination into this.

I’m in London this morning, trying to recover from a ridiculous party last night. I sat having breakfast with my lovely husband, barely able to eat, and we made a plan of action: a plan which will give me the best chance of success. And I am so so glad that I have been honest with him. I told him about my throwing wine down the sink in the mornings, only to buy more later in the day. He told me that he had been pouring wine down the sink too, to try to stop me drinking – I hadn’t even been aware of that.

I am here.  I am ready.

30 thoughts on “I begin”

    1. I’m really trying to take your comment about ‘taking it easy’ seriously, as I am apt to go racing off down the sober path, then crash hours or days later and give the whole idea up. Annie x

  1. Glad you are here, Annie. Along with Anne above, be kind to yourself – this first step with you and your husband is perhaps the kindest you’ve ever been. Rest. Be gentle with yourself.* We are here for you. -HM.

  2. Annie, i encourage you to discuss in- patient rehab with your husband. I think you need some stronger intervention. …..please consider

  3. annie, a surprising and transformative clarity can manifest at the point where exhaustion, admission, and willingness meet. you are at that point. remember how you’re feeling today, write it down, and revisit it when you need to. reach out to your readers, to your husband, to an outside source when you hear that tricksy voice pulling you back. tell it you are ready to be free. thinking of you. -kari

  4. Hey Annie, I’m with Lisa. I think maybe you need more help with this. For some people doing it with just willpower is impossible. that doesn’t make them bad people or weak people it just means that the witch witch has her claws in more deeply. Is there anyone you can talk to about maybe rehab??? I know I don’t know you or your situation so this may be inappropriate. xxx Mtts

    1. Yes, I agree with you, Lisa and I believe Anne has mentioned it too in previous comments. It takes courage to reach out and seek outside help. It is by no means a sign of weakness but of strength. The rehab will allow you to get some distance and time from the drinking and to remove yourself physically from the many triggers. It will give you an opportunity to see things with more clarity. I find there freedom in surrendering.
      with much hope and faith.

  5. You are stronger than you think and you can do this. Be kind to yourself and pick some activities for distraction during your hard times of the day.

  6. This honest moment with your husband is key…continue to ask for his support and be kind to yourself…if you are really ready then you must to anything to stay sober..thinking of you and wishing you well!

  7. Annie so glad to see you here…try not to overthink everything and feel like you must have it all figured out today or soon…just focus on not drinking and taking care of yourself, period (for now)…by stopping your active addiction you are taking an amazing step toward a world where alcohol isn’t your master.
    If you need to, don’t overthink it just go to rehab…this addiction is wicked, if you have a resource that will help you succeed, then use it. If you had any other illness, you would likely seek out the best treatment available to increase your chances of healing and survival. No different here. There’s no shame in rehab or counseling or outpatient care even…you are a beautiful soul who deserves a chance at healing and sobriety. Thinking of you often….Jenn

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