Still tired

I made it through my son’s party. That sounds ridiculous now I write it, but I hope you know what I mean. When my parents arrived in the evening, they and my husband had prosecco, and I had an AF alternative. It wasn’t ideal, as I think it’s really too close to the alcohol experience for me, and there was a slight muddle with the glasses (though I didn’t sip the wrong one) AND I haven’t yet had a conversation with my parents about what I’m doing. But apart from that, it went well, and I didn’t drink. So now I’m on Day 5.

A slight weariness has descended upon me today. By weariness, I mean a kind of depression. I know the perils of romancing the drink, but I’m finding the Christmas bloody spirit taunting me from many angles. But my husband is helping. The case of wine he is usually given from clients is going to be used as presents for friends; he is anticipating the boozy office lunch which I always go to by phoning the restaurant in advance and discussing a really good alcohol-free alternative drink, ie. not orange juice.

In last week’s episode of The Bubble Hour, Amanda was describing the image of a backlit bar, with glistening drinks, and how different this idea of drinking is compared with the reality. When I was on holiday a few weeks ago, I walked past just such a bar every evening, and the idea of it stuck in my mind like a dead weight.  I’m still finding these sorts of images difficult to manage.

So, weary, and a bit down, but glad to be on Day 5.

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8 thoughts on “Still tired”

  1. Hi Annie, day 5 is awesome. Well done for getting through your son’s party. It doesn’t sound ridiculous at all. There has always been alcohol at my son’s parties and he is only 9!! They can be stressful and it’s easy to drink at them.
    I know that tired and down feeling you describe. It will pass. Just hang in there.
    It’s easy to romanticise the drink. We just have to remind ourselves of how the night ends and how we feel the next day. NOT so romantic!
    You are doing really well. You can do this.
    A x

  2. I love the advanced care and thinking your husband is helping you with. That’s wonderful! My one thought/two cents, as a normie himself, could he join you for the first month and just not drink – especially in your home? Maybe he gets one when you are out, but apart from that, maybe none at home? I just think having it around you so closely is not only a temptation, but truly a discomfort. My first month, we cleared the house out of booze, and having the hubs join me in not drinking was a Huge help – mentally, emotionally, and physically. … I love the idea of calling a restaurant ahead – I would have never thought of that! So smart. … And as for the tired/dull/down feelings, can you take a nap? Your body is doing so much work right now without you even knowing it. Can you lay down for even 30 minutes? It might help you feel a little better. Sorry to keep making it about me, but I am not a nap person (I pretty much hate them), but the first 6 weeks to 2 months, I napped almost every day. It was heaven! And SO helpful – especially to staying sober in the evenings, because I was recharged and relaxed. Back to you (*smile*) – I am so happy for you on making it through Day 4. Annie, truly fantastic. Keep helping yourself with smart strategies and talking with your husband. You are doing SoSo well.* And here. I’m sure you’ve been doing a ton of reading, but I found this article that describes some of the physical components of early recovery: http://azureacres.crchealth.com/recovery-addictions-articles/recovery-roller-coaster/ I thought the low thiamine was particularly of interest. Perhaps the vitamin/nutrients your body is craving is adding to your feeling low? I know Feeling has mentioned that possibility to me in the past, and I started taking vitamins to help me rectify my imbalance. Perhaps a vitamin regimen would help you feel a little better? Also, (this is so long!) I read another article that said the Pink Cloud is a plus, but it can also be a minus because it lulls the person into thinking they’re okay, and they go back to using. Perhaps the discomfort is a gift – even though it’s uncomfortable at the moment. Okay. I’ll shut up now. I’m just so happy for you to be here. Gooooooo, Annie! Day 5, here you come!

  3. When I first quit drinking, I tried doing it so that my life was the same, just without the wine. That didn’t work for me (I hated it…I was miserable watching other people drink heavily while I detoxed and was trying to change my life) so a few weeks in , I decided to stay away from alcohol situations period…it felt so unnatural at first and I felt strongly that I was missing out, but now it has become my new normal and I love it…I had to be totally away from alcohol to see what it was really about and how much better my life is without it. Now I only go around drinking-events for things like weddings and such. I’m not sure when the change happened, but somewhere along the line I’ve become a non-drinker, I rarely get offered a drink anymore, and most of my time is spent just living, without alcohol. It’s really a miracle.
    My heart goes out to you in your struggle. It sounds like you have your husband’s support…which is golden. The Christmas holidays can be a trying time for someone learning to live alcohol free…do whatever you have to do to be successful in not drinking so you can begin to heal….write, cry, get a pedicure, take a walk, take a nap, read, watch a movie, go to counseling, AA…just.don’t.drink.
    All the best to you,
    Jenn

  4. Good work getting through the party and then the evening. It doesn’t sound ridiculous at all! I just wanted to say that when I stopped drinking, I really did feel low for a while. (No pink cloud for me!) Apparently that’s normal, or one version of normal. Doing small things that rested and restored me was very important–sometimes talking a small walk somewhere pretty, sometimes more sleep, sometimes a big talk and a good cry and then sleep. The things that help you will be different, of course, but try to pay attention to how you feel and give yourself enough time to treat yourself well. And taking advantage of the meetings and the stuff your meeting friend talked about will really help as well, I’d bet. I love your husband’s plan for the lunch. That kind of practical support rocks! Hooray for you and day 5! xo

  5. I want to say good job, because it was, but I think you need to just say no to any and all exposure to alcohol.

    Please, tell your husband you cannot be around it At all. That he cannot drink around you.

    You are well past making this a health change. You are suffering and it’s only getting worse. You need to make clear and safe boundaries of you hope to do this.

    The point is not to endure. To suffer in deprivation.
    It is to get enough distance from the addiction of alcohol to see just how poorly it is Impacking your life and to glimpse how awesome things might be sober.

    Build your support system. This is a serious undertaking. Arm yourself.

    You can do it.

    Anne

  6. Ditto my dear one….no alcohol in the home or drinking in your presence…husband can always have a drink before he gets home ..if you tell him this is what you need I know he will support you…and maybe he also needs to believe you cannot drink at all…
    You really are doing great….take care of yourself however you must …just do not drink!

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