Walking through the door

I’m sitting in a little cafe, drinking coffee, having just come out of the addiction centre. A friend advised me not to ring in advance, but to go, so that’s what I did. The whole way there in the car, I thought that I should be organising my Christmas present list, hoovering, making wholesome food for my children. But I kept driving, parked, got out, walked across the road, pushed open the door and went in. I have been to some meetings in the same place so it wasn’t totally alien; but the man at the reception desk looked a bit surprised when I said I needed help, and that I was self-referring. A criminal record? No. Domestic abuse? No. Addiction to alcohol? You don’t look like ‘that sort of person’ he said cheerfully.

The notion of not being ‘that sort of person’ is, I think, what has kept me from seeking help for so long. Whenever I tiptoe around the idea that my drinking might actually be damaging me, and everyone around me, I push it aside because the picture of me doesn’t fit with the picture of people I see in my mind, weaving down the street. But on Monday I have got a more detailed assessment at the centre. Provided I am totally honest there, I hope I can find  help and a way out of this pit.

Day 2 today.

16 thoughts on “Walking through the door”

  1. Annie, wow! Awesome! Literal first steps. Good for you – soso much Good for you.* p.s. They need to up their training techniques for receptionists! Eep! Not the way to talk to Anyone at a treatment center. Yikes! Again, good for you for seeing the correlation to you and your experience, and not
    letting his words scare you out the door.

  2. Annie, the more I read your blog the more I see we are so much alike. I, too, have struggled with the stop start, commitment, throwing it all away, etc. on and on. I have abandoned my blog (Grannygetssober) for weeks at a time; I even deleted it for a while. They give you 30 days to change your mind 🙂 I am now following you. I will be completing day 3 today of my zillionth quit. You and I can do this!! Enough wasted time stopping and starting! We ALWAYS come back to the same decision that we can’t drink happily so why waste another precious moment. Let’s join forces and never look back. I am routing for you my friend. xoxo

  3. Good for you! I think the problem so many of us face is that we don’t really look like “that sort of person,” which makes it so easy to convince ourselves that we really don’t have a problem. I’m right there with you!

  4. You can’t see what’s on the other side if you don’t open and walk through the door. Very brave, very strong. (And I agree with HM – what sort of receptionist at an addiction center would say that????)

  5. Good on you, following through with this. (I’ll join the contingent here that cheerfully bellows at that receptionist. Altogether now, “We are all that sort of person!!!”) Great to see you doing all the right stuff! xo

  6. You did it! If that first step is the hardest, then it can only get easier, right? I really hope you follow through and make it there on Monday. (I’m just sorry they’re making you wait through another weekend.) -kari

  7. Hi Annie. Well done on getting to that treatment Centre. Don’t worry about what that reception guy said, Most alcoholics and problem drinkers I’ve met are successful, intelligent, well kept people. Still praying for you x

  8. Hi Annie, thinking of you, and your action plan sounds great! Also just want to say thanks, for always giving me something to think about. For me, to move forward, I think I need to think about ‘damage done to others (and self) .’ I kind of block this aspect….., I think to move forward I need to talk ‘honestly’ too. Walking ‘through the door, such a brave and inspirational’ thing to do. Take Care. Meg

  9. Dear Annie, well done! You are so brave and I am so proud of you. You have made an important step forward. You are doing this. I am here for you every step of the way. A x

  10. Amazing work getting yourself there. Give this the chance and everything will be ok.

    An assessment is fine, but no external party can decide whether you are an alcoholic. Only you can know that, so remember that as you go through it x

  11. I’m so glad you’re seeing yourself as the person who deserves to live a fuller, happier life. Well done girl!

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