Thank you for all your comments yesterday – they mean so much to me. Here I am on Day 3. One of the commenters, Overcoming, yesterday said not to ‘overthink’, and I think (oops – see? Already) that’s good advice. Because what happens is that I think and think about how I’m going to beat this: go to meetings, have the assessment, write the blog, email people…and then I feel totally overwhelmed, panic and want to throw the whole thing out. Instead, I need to move slowly forward, trying to do the right thing, and NOT DRINK.
I’ve still got a plan for today, which is to go to a meeting early afternoon. It’s a tricky one, because this is the meeting which I haven’t been to before, but which I’ve driven to twice, sat outside in the car and not gone in. Today I need to go in. One of the suggestions has been to go to meetings every day – I haven’t done that yet.
Last night, I went to see my daughter in a play. She was playing the part of a girl in a psychiatric ward. Her usual sunny temperament was completely masked by the character she was playing; it was unsettling. Thoughts of drinking flooded my mind as I began watching it, a mixture of being ‘at the theatre’, the early evening time slot, and seeing my daughter shout and throw chairs around on stage. When I get home, I’m going to stop all this stopping drinking malarkey, I thought. I don’t need to be spending so much time thinking about this, etc etc. But at home, I gratefully had water with my supper, talked about the play with my family, and went to bed.