Thank you

Thank you for all your comments yesterday – they mean so much to me. Here I am on Day 3. One of the commenters, Overcoming, yesterday said not to ‘overthink’, and I think (oops – see? Already) that’s good advice. Because what happens is that I think and think about how I’m going to beat this: go to meetings, have the assessment, write the blog, email people…and then I feel totally overwhelmed, panic and want to throw the whole thing out. Instead, I need to move slowly forward, trying to do the right thing, and NOT DRINK.

I’ve still got a plan for today, which is to go to a meeting early afternoon. It’s a tricky one, because this is the meeting which I haven’t been to before, but which I’ve driven to twice, sat outside in the car and not gone in. Today I need to go in. One of the suggestions has been to go to meetings every day – I haven’t done that yet.

Last night, I went to see my daughter in a play. She was playing the part of a girl in a psychiatric ward. Her usual sunny temperament was completely masked by the character she was playing; it was unsettling. Thoughts of drinking flooded my mind as I began watching it, a mixture of being ‘at the theatre’, the early evening time slot, and seeing my daughter shout and throw chairs around on stage. When I get home, I’m going to stop all this stopping drinking malarkey, I thought. I don’t need to be spending so much time thinking about this, etc etc. But at home, I gratefully had water with my supper, talked about the play with my family, and went to bed.

12 thoughts on “Thank you”

  1. You can do it Annie. You can drive to that meeting and it may be hard, but you will go in. Because you are stronger than you know. Good on you for not drinking after your daughter’s play. You will feel so much better in the morning. A x

  2. Go Annie..you can do this and we all know you can! Here’s a quote from something I read today:
    “Meditation or an outdoor walk helps lift the fog; alcohol exacerbates it. Face whatever nags at you to be addressed.”
    Please don’t try to address anything except not to drink today….point is that alcohol helps nothing!

  3. Annie, you are a brave lady! I don’t have sage advice, but here’s something that helps me. I hold this in my heart and mind: I don’t drink. Everything else comes from that. Like your sentence, “Instead, I need to move slowly forward, trying to do the right thing, and NOT DRINK.” Change that to Instead, “Instead,I will NOT DRINK.” If you don’t drink, you will be moving slowly forward and will try to do the right thing. Honestly, write it on a piece of paper you carry, or on your hand with a marker, make it your screensavers on phone and computers. I do not drink. That’s making it simple. You don’t need to go over all the reasons you are not drinking, you have done that many times, if you are like me. All that makes sense, but can fall away if youa re hanging on to reasons for not drinking, instead of actually not drinking. OK, this is my own opinion and experience, and it may not even make sense to anyone. There is nothing that is required to not drink except not drinking. Nothing else has to happen, nobody else has to do anything else, not even you.

    1. Makes complete sense. It’s a kind of “fake it till you make it” approach. From the very first days until now (456 days later), any time the thought of having a drink enters my mind, I always say to myself “I don’t drink.” Early on, it was harder to believe it, but I’ve been saying it to myself for so long that it has become automatic. I have the same answer for anyone who offers me a drink. I don’t drink. It’s wonderfully simple and takes all that exhausting internal negotiation out of the picture. That isn’t to say that temptation never happens, because it definitely does, but if you always have the same answer, it becomes very simple. Not easy, but simple.

  4. Hi Annie. I thought the point about not overthinking was great advice. I need to heed that, too! And I love what Zentient says above. Taking the decision away (at least for a while) is a good idea. Glad you got through the evening! Best wishes for day 3! xo

  5. I’m here for you Annie. Don’t worry about the other stuff just do what it takes to stay away from alcohol. I promise…things start making sense when you get some distance from the drink and take care of yourself.
    Jenn

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