Dear friends

Day 4. I went to the craziest meeting yesterday, the one where twice before I’ve sat outside in my car and then driven away. This time I went in. It was jam packed, the biggest meeting I’ve been to so far, much louder and more boisterous somehow. I said hello to the lady doing coffee who welcomed me, and then sat amongst the crowd. I became aware of a man muttering and interrupting, and my first thought was that he was ill in some way; well, he was, sort of – he was completely drunk, I think the drunkest person I have ever seen in my life. I won’t tell you what happened – the anonymity there is so important – but it was the equivalent of someone giving me a massive shake and shouting in my face NEVER DRINK AGAIN. I haven’t been able to get the image of this broken person out of my mind.

After the meeting, I emailed a sober friend and found my hands were shaking.

That evening, my sweet husband asked me what I’d done ‘towards my sobriety today’ – like it was a sort of job, which I suppose it is, and that’s how I’m treating it partly. And he and I agreed that I am learning so much about my drinking, and how I can get well; he said he was learning too, learning about what I’d been doing, what I’d been hiding all these months, and learning how he can help me.

Please don’t worry if I don’t write every day. I need to keep things as simple as possible, otherwise I risk getting overwhelmed. Even yesterday afternoon, after the meeting, I felt as though I couldn’t cope with getting sober, that it was all too hard, etc. when really I needed to sit with the uncomfortable stuff that I’d witnessed, not use it as an excuse to say, ‘I’m different, I’m not like that.’

I will let you know how I’m getting on, and I will try to reply to your kind comments when I can – I so appreciate them. I am concentrating on getting well, and I really feel that I am making progress. If you don’t hear from me for a day or two, or even longer, don’t panic.

11 thoughts on “Dear friends”

  1. Dear Annie, I am so proud of you. You sound like you are in a good head space at the moment and really doing this. Good on you for going to that meeting. It sounds like it was a confronting one. I haven’t had the courage to go to a meeting yet so you are doing better than me! I’m so glad your husband is on board and being so supportive, you are very lucky. You can get well again Annie. You have a lot of support around you, maybe not all in person but in the cyber world, but we are here for you. I am always here if you need to talk. Well done on day 4! A x

  2. Dear Annie – best of luck and I understand totally what you are saying. I had to step away from the internet, blogs and all things related to getting sober in order to focus on me and get some traction. I know what you are going through. Unfortunately I slipped, again, and am on DAY 4 like you – so if you want a penpal let me know. We CAN do this. Hang in there and just breathe for now, that is what I am doing. S.:]

  3. Keep things like that. Simple. Clear.
    We could all be that guy at the meeting. Sad, but true. That’s not the future I want.
    One day, one step at a time. Be gentle, but clear. Just don’t drink. No matter what.
    Love
    Anne

  4. Sounds like a good plan! The blog needs to be a support, not a source of stress. I promise I won’t worry! You and your husband sounds like you are talking about this so openly, and thats’ an inspiration to read. Big hug to you! xo

  5. Your blog is just another tool in your own sobriety box. No need to explain or apologize for anything you do or say (or don’t do or say) on it. Use it when you need it and don’t use it when you don’t. We’re here to support you in whatever way works the best for you.

  6. Agree with Anne.. simple and clear. At the end of the day there is only one thing that is needed for your sobriety and that is not to drink.

  7. Please look after yourself annie. Use your bottle money to buy a nice candle or bath oils or a lunch out or coffee or for a cinema trip or a massage or crisps or chocolate. Whatever. Load up on crappy books that are easy to read. Treat yourself like a child who’s sick. Don’t take on anything unnecessary. Ask for help. xxxx

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