I’m still struggling. But I know it will be a struggle, and that I’ve got to put in the hard work. This isn’t going to happen by magic.
I told my husband yesterday that I was going to close my blog, and drink moderately. This morning, he and I agreed that I need to give up completely. I know – it’s obvious to anyone reading here – but I still need to state it, for you all to see. Because despite all my good intentions yesterday, I still drank, and today I feel pretty stupid.
I start again today. I will put in the work. When I get the cravings and I start to talk myself out of it – and this happens like clockwork every afternoon at the moment – I will write here, or text or email a sober friend, or ring someone. I am not going to give up giving up.
8 thoughts on “Still struggling”
I hope you can start 2016 sober. What a great way to begin the year. xx
Do whatever it takes to break that cycle in these early days Annie. Try hard not to think beyond the moment you’re in and if that moment is flooded by a craving, do whatever you can to take no notice of that ‘talking yourself out of it’ voice (however loud that voice is and however used you are to listening to it) and do something physical until the craving passes – which it will. Thinking of you, xx.
Very powerful post from Mummy was a Secret Drinker today, she says: “Alcohol has a terrible way of taking that very thing you’re trying to fix and making it worse. Drinking a bottle of wine a day doesn’t give you self respect, does it? Instead it strips away any you had left and makes you really hate yourself. The more I drank, the more I disliked myself. And the more I disliked myself, the more I drank.” Light bulb moment for me!
When that hour in the day comes along, pick a blog and start reading from the beginning instead of picking up the bottle. You can go internal and check-out a bit (often why we drank), and find inspiration from someone else’s journey through the early days and see what pulled them through, what tools they used, etc. I always love going back to Mrs. D, Belle, The Sober Journalist, or any of my amazing friends here on WordPress. Thinking of you, Annie. Often.*
Annie, I’m on Day 5. I know the feelings of trying again and again. This post really speaks to me. Maybe it will help. http://mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/2015/09/the-obstacle-course.html
That was great! Profoundly resonated with me today.
Don’t close the blog. I’ve been there and done that. Three times. In the end, I opened up a new blog. If you want to try moderation, try it. It never works for me. But we all need to learn ourselves as far as what works and what doesn’t. What makes us happy and what doesn’t. It is not an easy path. I’ve been struggling with it for over a year. I am blogging for the past 8 months. Blogging helps. I am very open when I drink. I stopped closing blogs in order to drink. Instead I write about it. It helps.
You should keep blogging. Also, replace “I hope” and “I’ll try” with “I will” and “I won’t.”