In the Beginning

New Year’s Day feels like the start of a new term at school, pencils sharpened and a sense of hope and promise. I am holding on to this feeling. Today is my brand new Day one, and I felt excited waking up to Dry January, hopeful that I can get more days under my belt and get some serious sober momentum.

I am taking this seriously. Dry January is a great idea for people to have a  month off booze, and get healthy, but for me it’s got to be more than that, a longer-term view to being sober. Over the past few months, I have barely been able to string together more than one or two days without drinking, and the habits and patterns of behaviour were becoming engrained in my daily life. The grip it had was scaring me.

I know it won’t be easy. After the first few days of Dry January novelty, the old voices will still be there, nagging at my intentions. But I’ll work on it hour by hour. Alongside the motivational emails I’m being sent from Alcohol Concern (who are running Dry Jan), and the general air of abstinence which greets the UK over the next few days, I will still be addressing my problems with alcohol – I think what I’m trying to say is that I know it’s not a quick fix, a gimmick. I’ve struggled with this for so long now.

My self-esteem is pretty low at the moment.  My husband – who is kind, and who I love dearly – said I’d put on quite a lot of weight from my drinking. I felt sad to hear it, and to think that he thought it, but it helps me to see that I can’t ignore the health problems I’m developing because of the drinking. And inside, I knew I was getting really out of shape, and as I squeezed into party dresses through December, I felt horrible, kind of ugly inside.

Happy New Year to you all – and thank you for the strength and hope you give me.

21 thoughts on “In the Beginning”

  1. I’m with you Annie. I feel a huge sense of relief that I am starting again. Here’s to a new start 🙂

  2. I am hoping and praying for you…for me….and several others. 2016 will be the year we make new and non-alcohol memories. It will either start today, someday, or never. We have a choice to make I think. I choose today, because moments are who we are in the present, right now. Who are we? The future is not promised and the past cannot be changed. Presently, who do we have the potential to be? Where is our greatest self? Are we saving her for another day? :). Good hope to you! I will look forward to your future posts!

  3. We walking this path together. At least we are trying. And as long as we are trying, there is hope and possibilities. It is a new year after all. 🙂

  4. With you Annie – I’m back on Day 1 after a fail last night. Today has a feeling of hope and optimism for all of us out there who keep trying. Let’s stick to this together. Red xx

  5. Dry January is such a great idea! Just read an aticle in the Seattle Times about it, and all but one comment was negative! Unbelievable!! I’ve also read that it’s been opened up for all to join, so I just might have to join you In the UK and try it out!!! I’m so happy for you all to have that general support and feeling of normalcy for not having a drink in January. I’m just going to say , when asked, that the UK does it right and im joining you for the month!!! Good luck Annie and thanks for keeping your blog open.

  6. Go back to meeting too,maybe every day of if you need.
    And to the addictions centre.

    The novelty will wear off for many people and there will be thoughts of moderation.

    Take control now while you have resolve.

    You have been doing this for years. Help will make it easier.

    I’m sure anything your husband said was only said to help you see the truth, that you are in active addiction and it’s hurting you.

    I want this for you, but you need to want it more.

    Love and support


  7. All the best Annie with Dry January. You will feel so great at the end of the month. When you feel pissed off, irritable etc, just think that there are loads of other people feeling like that because they are all finding Dry January abit tough. My husband is a normal drinker but he always takes January off the booze and he is always abit irritated at the beginning.xx

  8. Sober challenges are awesome, and I know you’ll use Dry January as a ‘kickstart” to your new sober life. Focus on all the great benefits that sobriety brings, and know that you are not “depriving” yourself of ANYTHING! You are saving yourself! You’re here for you xx

    1. Hi Red. I’m glad you’re feeling strong – well done! I’m a bit more wobbly – have just written a post to try and describe it. I don’t think I’m very inspiring to people just starting out…Annie x

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