I slept fitfully. I kept waking up, worrying about my going back to work (part-time) next week. I haven’t worked since my middle child was born 14 years ago – I know, that sounds slack – and I’m nervous and apprehensive. It’s not the perfect thing to be doing in the midst of early sobriety, but I’m committed to it, and have got to get on with it as best I can.
Day 2, and it’s cold and wet here. I fluctuate between being relieved that I’m doing this, and filled with fear of failure. I’ve tried so many times over the past few years, and always come a-cropper. Not sure how you spell that.
I’ve got this weird thing where the thumb joint on my left hand hurts sporadically, and my lower back on my right side has been aching badly for over a week. Too many searches on Google and I’ve convinced myself I’ve got arthritis, and kidney damage because of the drinking. I’ll see if these aches and pains ease without the ritual poisoning.
I feel that Dry January is going to be a helpful prop in these early days, but the hard work lies ahead, and I need to fit in meetings round my job, as well as looking after my family. As Mrs D once told me, I need to dig deep. I guess I’m feeling quite daunted.