I slept fitfully. I kept waking up, worrying about my going back to work (part-time) next week. I haven’t worked since my middle child was born 14 years ago – I know, that sounds slack – and I’m nervous and apprehensive. It’s not the perfect thing to be doing in the midst of early sobriety, but I’m committed to it, and have got to get on with it as best I can.
Day 2, and it’s cold and wet here. I fluctuate between being relieved that I’m doing this, and filled with fear of failure. I’ve tried so many times over the past few years, and always come a-cropper. Not sure how you spell that.
I’ve got this weird thing where the thumb joint on my left hand hurts sporadically, and my lower back on my right side has been aching badly for over a week. Too many searches on Google and I’ve convinced myself I’ve got arthritis, and kidney damage because of the drinking. I’ll see if these aches and pains ease without the ritual poisoning.
I feel that Dry January is going to be a helpful prop in these early days, but the hard work lies ahead, and I need to fit in meetings round my job, as well as looking after my family. As Mrs D once told me, I need to dig deep. I guess I’m feeling quite daunted.
13 thoughts on “Aches and pains”
You know, I think going back to work might be a good thing. I returned to work after 8 years home. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until I was there. It was empowering to learn something new and to feel a part of the adult world again.
It will be stressful. You will need to power through for awhile, but you’ll get there. Definitely work your meetings into your days.
My right side aching stopped about 3 months in, I think. ☺
Annie I got through 16 days and started back to work and the association was more than I could bear and I stopped by the store and picked up some wine. That was middle of December and here I am back on day 3. Write a letter to yourself listing all the good of drinking and all the bad of drinking. What does it do for you? What does it keep you from doing. Why you truly desire to quit. Read it a lot. I just wanted to give you fair warning that yes a job is fantastic but it may be something that draws you to want a drink to relax so be ready for it and have ammunition to ward it off.
Sound advice above! I found going back to work hard, but on the flip it’s good for getting you out and with different people. And it can boost your confidence when you’ve broken through the initial nerves. Do you have a plan for how to tackle any cravings you might get tonight? I’ve made my bedroom a bit of a sanctuary and I’m popping some nice choc and a good book there to greet me when I come to bed (no doubt earlier than the rest of the party). Happy to check in with you at an agreed point in time if you think it’d help? Red xx
Annie…the first days will have challenges that are hard, all you can do is meet each challenge by not drinking…one day, one new challenge at a time.
Take care of yourself in every way as much as possible so you can begin to heal.
I’m here for you. Keep writing.
Hi Annie it is daunting going back to work after kids. However why don’t you let yourself get excited about the challenge and see it as a new start and something to get your teeth into and mind off drinking. Sounds like a fabulous 2016 coming up. Your health niggles will really reduce as you build up sober days xx
May all go well in your new job. It seems overwhelming, doesn’t it, when thinking about the ins and outs of sobriety. But you don’t have to get all of that right away, it’s a self-exploration for the long haul. It can be a trick of the addictive mind to get you caught up in self criticism, and worry, which can cycle you back to drinking yet again. It’s enough to not drink right now, don’t pick up the drink, don’t drink alcohol.
Starting a dry January as well. In the last few weeks I’ve had a slew of issues (possibly stemming from 2 years of daily abusing) including a bad cold, horrible excema, fracturing my toe while inebriated . . and on and on. . . I always thought I needed alcohol to have a good time but I am realizing that I don’t even know if I did because I can’t remember much of it . . .I also cannot limit myself to 2 drinks because at that point, I just continue to consume. . .I just subscribed to alcoholmastery.com
and there is just much good positive information (and affirmations) that make so much sense . . I am going on vacation in a week and looking forward to remembering every minute of it! I hope you find what makes sense for you and commit to it. All the best! Donna
Hi Annie, good luck from The Sober Garden for your new job! These are exciting times for you and I wish you well (and I’m fine thanks – grateful as ever for you checking up on me xx).
One day at a time. Just stay focused on now.
Hi Annie, I get the aches and pains too, all that poison exiting our body. Try and look at the work thing as a distraction and something to focus on. Even after time away from the workplace, I am sure you will be able to ease back into it within a week or so. Be kind to yourself and speak to yourself the way you would speak to one of your children if they were starting work. Remember to breath and ride out the carvings.you can do this.
All these things are in place for you, they are happening and going to happen whether you drink or not. The aches, the pains, the job angst, the kids, the husband, life. But, Honey, booze makes all of this so much harder. I know you still believe it grants relief and escape, but trust me and everybody else here, once you have some booze free days, you’ll realize what a burden it added to your life. Get rid of it and lighten the load.
What a great summary and so true. The more time and distance between us and booze, the more clarity we have.
“Get rid of it and lighten the load” – that’s perfectly put karymayhickey.