It’s just past 6pm here, and I’ve got the most terrible craving. My mind is full of doubts and I am desperate for a drink. I’m trying to separate the desire for alcohol from what else I’m feeling, to see if I can think my way out of it. Because I so don’t want to fail on day 5.
Tomorrow, I head to my new job, so I know I’m anxious and nervous about that. I also know that day 5 is pretty early on in this process, so I’m bound to feel angsty round the 6pm slot. The first few days’ (slight) novelty have definitely worn off, and I’m already feeling fed up. I emailed my husband earlier with a supposedly rational list of why it would be fine for me to drink next weekend, not drink in the week, look at how well I’m managing not to drink…that sort of thing, and his reply was: ‘You’re doing brill. Love you.’
He is a great man.
We were with some friends at the weekend, and we were talking about Dry January. I was explaining how difficult I found it not to drink, and one of our friends said, ‘But if you feel like drinking, just drink! What’s the big deal.’
I feel as though I’m constantly creating huge problems and crises out of nothing. Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhh!
Right, now I am going to open an alcohol free beer, and read the newspaper, and wait for my husband to get home before I prepare the supper, because I know that if I chop one onion in the next few minutes, I will place myself bang in the middle of the craving.
I think what I’m trying to say is: I’m finding this really hard. Help!
A Dappled Path 
B R E A T H E. It will get better. Don’t give in. ❤
Remember that this is temporary…it WILL pass. And so will the next one and the one after that. They are like waves at the ocean. Just wait for them to go out again.
Don’t give in NOW! You want another day one? Those are awful! Plus, you don’t want to be hungover for your first day on your new job do you?
Hang tough girl!
Sherry
Annie, just read your blog posts on all those day ones where you bemoaned the mess alcohol was making of your life — how miserable it was making you. Think of how alcohol today is stealing your peace of mind, and how the constant internal debate and rationalization of your addiction is taking you out of the present moment, wasting your (and your husband’s) time, and eating at you. Think of how your body has begun to tell you in so many ways that you are poisoning yourself. Your problem is NOT that you are making a crisis out of nothing — it is that you are not taking a fatal addiction seriously enough.
As if you needed any more proof of the bottom you have reached, try to look objectively at the begging you are doing for your husband to let you drink! No surprised he has cottoned onto the fact that you are an alcoholic and cannot drink at all.
The woman who spoke to you is either not an alcoholic — in which case one drink is no big deal for her — or she is like you, an alcoholic desperate to think she can drink normally. Either way, her take on your situation is completely off, like telling someone allergic to peanut butter that one PB&J won’t hurt them. And you know that.
Though the moment has passed, and I do hope without you drinking, as you get through these early days of waves on compulsion to drink (good metaphor above), try to fight them by getting out of the house, taking a walk or some other thing that takes you physically away from the temptation. Hard to uncork the wine when you are a mile from home. And don’t take your wallet so you can’t buy booze!
Good luck at the job! And don’t drink, moment by moment. You’ll get there.
Kate
Here here ! What a fantastic post ! Annie, this is exactly the right comment for you. Life without booze means life without all this torturous mental to-ing and fro-ing. That lady telling you to chill has her own issues ! Xxx
Sending you strength. You can do this. Yes, it’s hard AND you can do this.*
Hi Annie, Day 1’s, 2’s, 3’s etc are hard but you are putting distance between you and your last day 1. Just imagine waking up tomorrow clear headed and going into your new job only a bit anxious with first day nerves, rather than anxious and hungover or at best a bit lethargic. Try to remember the feelings of the morning when you are happy not to have drunk rather than the wine o clocks when our brains create some kind of delusional fantasy about what happens when we drink. I hope you have made it safely through the evening with your lovely hubby by your side, sending you power.
Hey Annie! Your hubby sounds like a good guy! I can’t add a lot here that’s not already been said (brilliantly) above, just keep on playing it forward, and try remembering the last time you had a hangover after drinking, and exactly how you felt. Don’t give up now, you CAN do this, and you’re in good company!! Red xx
Only just reading this and hope ‘it’s’ passed. Good luck for tomorrow x.
Eat something! If you eat regularly it helps!
Have you wrote the letter to yourself? I had serious cravings this afternoon on my way home from work. I got through them, but by the hair of my chinny chin chin.
Hi Annie,
The first few days/weeks I slept, slept, slept….. No waiting for my H to get home from work so I could cook. I did nothing except nurture me. The “pressure” to cook, clean, pay bills, exercise was all too much. My sole evening goal. Was to relax, get into. Comfy pj’s, snuggle down in my bed, with a book, the iPad, chocolate cupcake, hot chocolate, the cats and the TV remote and get ready to relax then sleep.
Honestly I don’t think 6.00 pm is too early for bath and bed …..lol….. Trust me it works
Keep going, you can do this, buy candles, new pj’s new sheets, and sleep sleep sleep. It will pass. I promise.
Faye
Hi Annie, I hope the first day of the new job went well.. Treat yourself to something non alcohol related tonight and stay strong. xxxxx
It sounds very much like you are experiencing post-acute withdrawal symptoms. Your emotional state doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means the exact opposite. You’re experiencing completely normal symptoms of someone withdrawing from alcohol.
from http://alcoholrehab.com/addiction-recovery/post-acute-withdrawal-symptoms/
The symptoms of PAWS can include:
* Fuzzy thinking (AKA brain fog)
* Inability to concentrate
* Problems with memory
* Inability to develop a normal sleep pattern
* Repetitive thinking
* Emotions that feel out of control
* Difficulties managing stress
* Problems with coordination
* Feelings of depression
* Feelings of anxiety
* The individual may feel like they lack initiative
* Cravings
* Feeling tired all the time
* Difficulty experiencing pleasure – this is also referred to as anhedonia
* Problems getting along with other people
* Obsessive compulsive disorder
* Feelings of guilt
It sounds like you are experiencing completely normal symptoms with regard to your emotional state. See PAWS (Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome). It causes among other things the cravings, anxiety, emotions that feel out of control, tiredness, etc. Your emotions will not last forever. You just need to give your body time to adjust without the alcohol. It seems like an endless black hole, but it’s not. The light is just a little farther. Keep going.