I am pleased to have got to Day 5. The days 1,2 and -sometimes – 3 were going round and round and I had been unable (or unwilling) to pull myself out of them. Doing Dry January with my husband has certainly helped me to kickstart a bit of a sober stretch. I’m still sleeping really badly, but the first thought I had when I woke up this morning was: I’m so glad I’m not drinking. The kids go back to school this week, and I start my new job on Friday, and feeling hungover and groggy would not be helping.
I’ve been worrying about the last sentence I wrote in yesterday’s post, about surrendering. Because what has really held me back from getting sober – and I don’t just mean doing Dry January, I mean stopping drinking for good – is that I haven’t surrendered. When I’ve been to meetings, people’s rock bottom stories can mean that I feel different from them, not so bad, and then I think, ‘I’ve got this, I just need to have some time off drinking and break the habit.’ But after years of trying to sort this out, I have realised that I don’t need to have a rock bottom story in order to stop, I just need to stop.
So, might I not ever surrender? And if I don’t surrender, will it never work?
In the meantime, I’m about to have breakfast on Day 5, and I’m feeling good about that. But I know that there is still a lot of work for me to do.
A Dappled Path 
Keep going Annie. Well done. Surrender and let go………peace for you will follow
Lisa
Exactly because some people’s rock bottom is irreversible. My uncle’s bottom was suicide to ease the pain of a stomach that was eaten away by years of alcohol abuse. Some people don’t have a bottom. Just sayin.
Take the surrender as you rake sobriety – one day or hour or minute or second at a time. You don’t have to worry about Doing It All right Now, nor do you have to worry about Doing It All Perfectly. Just do this moment, and that is enough. The next This Moment will follow when you’re ready. You’re doing great.*
One day at a time…. so happy to see you here on Day 5!!! You can do anything you set your mind to….. Once it’s set….don’t listen to it anymore!
hugs
Sober Mommy
Surrendering just means you stop the internal debate. Do you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol? Is it harming you Heath-physical or emotional?
If the answer is yes, surrender to the idea that you do not drink today.
I’m not sure what meetings you have gone to, but maybe try a few more. I don’t actually find many low bottom stories. I hear a lot of people talking about how booze crept into their lives and started stealing away the joy and peace, and how without it they have regained self confidence, happiness and respect.
When I hear that I realize That I would rather go through life sober, believing I’m and alcoholic, than waste it away drunk, trying to prove I am not.
Stick with it. Sober momentum is a powerful thing!
Congrats on 5 days Annie! Great to see you got some momentum going. Yes, surrender is the key to recovery.
Surrender to me meant saying to myself and to everyone in my life “I don’t drink anymore,” and then stubbornly refusing to fail. It’s surrendering to the fact that you can’t drink like other people, and that you never will. That thought scared the poo out of me at first, but I tried to keep focusing on all the things I was gaining instead of focusing on the thing I wasn’t able to have anymore. Yes, sometimes I still get tempted, but I hang onto my white flag of surrender when things get tough. That flag says “I don’t drink anymore” on it. Try saying it to yourself any time you start talking yourself out of sobriety. Write it down, look at it on the page, (or the screen). Feel the power of that simple declarative sentence.
If you subvert a craving with this declaration often enough, it becomes a powerful tool. It’s like exercising a muscle. The more you flex it, the stronger it gets. It’s your life and your sobriety. Claim it and hang onto it like it’s the most important thing in the world. You won’t regret it.
Rock bottom is not required to begin recovering from alcohol abuse.
Jenn