Day 20

Day 20! I have been so busy, I haven’t had time to write here, or read any blogs and I feel rather out of the loop. I miss the motivation that the blog world brings, and my sobriety feels more fragile accordingly. You will be pleased to know that I am still too busy to drink! Last weekend found me with some cravings and petty requests to my poor husband, but we both feel that we’re getting used to Dry January and I find I’m not hankering after a drink quite so often.

Please forgive me for not replying to your comments and messages of support after my last couple of posts. I don’t take you for granted, and I am so grateful you’re here.

The extreme tiredness continues, but I’m trying to go to bed early, and not obsess about work late in the evening.

So, for the moment, it’s onwards and upwards.

16 thoughts on “Day 20”

  1. So happy for you. I was a bit worried. The internal battle is tiring and a bit maddening at times!
    Day 9 here. AA. Sponsor. Reading. Haven’t felt this calm in YEARS.

  2. Annie, missed you and worried. Really glad you are back. Get as much rest as you can and try not to think beyond tomorrow.

    Justonemore

  3. Well done! Day 20 is amazing and keep going to bed early as long as you need. Wow Annie, this good news,take a moment to enjoy it and then pop off to bed ha ha

  4. Excellent. It’s getting easier. And though you say your sobriety is “fragile” because you’re not on the Internet and blogs all day long, how long has it been since you had 20 days?? You know how everyone says “try something different?” Well maybe this new job — or your husband’s support through Dry January — or both are the difference you needed. As wonderful and supportive as the sober online community is, you clearly needed more than that to get sober.

    Please, hang onto your gains as January wraps up. Your husband may be able to go back to drinking, but you can’t or you will be right back at day (or square) 1. Your cravings are starting to diminish. You will start to see improvement in the fatigue. But if you go back to drinking, it will be just as hard, some say harder, to go through these early days of withdrawal again. Unfortunately, for alcoholics, there is no credit for time served…

    So be grateful and proud for what you have done so far. And don’t sacrifice it to the bottle Gods. It is a big deal. Kate

  5. So pleased for you! Being busy is obviously helping you right now.

    Just one small suggestion – it might be good to make a short slot each day to read a couple of blogs. I resented the amount of time I felt I “wasted” in early sobriety poring over blogs and sober literature. However, at nearly 2 years sober and very happy and confident in my sobriety, I still make time every day to check a few blogs, because I am interested in how everyone is doing, and also I think it helps me not to become complacent – a bit like going to meetings, maybe.

    Keep it up!

  6. Hi Annie!

    Yay for 20 days! Every day you get further from day one is a miracle! I hope it is getting easier for you!

    This is hard to say, but I think sometimes we don’t realize what we are doing as we are doing it. But. Busy is not going to keep you sober. It might last a few days, or weeks, but it won’t last forever. You never mention how you are rewarding yourself for sober times, or sober tools. Non alcoholic drinks are nice, but they are sort of the simplest, most obvious tool in the box. From all of the stories I have heard from sober people, a very common theme of early sobriety or the time when you are trying to get sober is defiance, where we still are listening to our ego tell us we are so different than others. I am glad you are too busy to drink – again every day away from day one I think we get a little bit stronger! But long term sobriety doesn’t just happen. Alcoholics do not just look at the calendar one day and go “oh my goodness! I have just been so busy I didn’t realize it had been 90 days!” We work hard at this.

    I am sorry to be critical, I hope this doesn’t come across as harsh, but really we are all the same. Different stories, details, but we have so much in common. I care for you from reading your story for so long and hope the best for you!

  7. I agree with what Beth said. Sometimes it’s easy, and sometimes it’s a soul-sucking struggle. Amassing lots of contiguous sober days is a really big part of the battle, but equally important is addressing why we drank in the first place. If we don’t work on understanding what makes us drink, the first time things slow down and we have some time alone with nothing but our thoughts, that Wolfie will come in and hit you hard. 20 days is an amazing accomplishment. At 20-30 days, the initial withdrawal has subsided and you can think more clearly. Why do you drink? What’s at the core of it? Thinking about these things can bring up painful emotions. Let’s face it, at this stage, all our emotions feel amplified, and even good emotions aren’t always comfortable in a raw, un-numbed state. This is where the work begins. It’s worth it. Whatever you have to do to keep those days adding up…just don’t forget that there’s a whole lot of stuff inside to deal with. Not drinking is only part of the equation. Don’t lock your feelings up out of sight like the wine in the shed. Get it all out in the open. It will help you.

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