Things have not been going well. That’s a bit gloomy: some things have been going well – the teaching is great and I’m enjoying it – but since my Dry January Crash, the drink has crept back in, and swiftly I have lost control of it.
Today I am ill – not from drinking, though the glasses I had last night haven’t helped – but because the children and I all have a coldy bug. It’s not a little cold, it’s a throaty, wearisome thing, and it’s wiped me out. My husband and I had already cancelled our trip away – too busy at work, and various other reasons – but it has meant that I have been working working working and not looking after myself AT ALL. And somehow, this seemed OK to me – clearly ludicrous. As I approached my 23 day slip, I lost motivation, and afterwards, I failed to pick myself up, instead digging myself deeper into the wretched pit.
That pit! It is soul-destroying. I need to go back to meetings, read blogs again, get back in touch with the addiction clinic (who rang me last week), connect with other sober bloggers, many of whom have reached out to me. And the awful thing is, for many days in the past week, it felt easier to drink than to do all that.
It is fortunate that I’ve caught this coldy illness; it means I have to stop, and take stock.