Looking forward

Day 2.

My throat was so sore in the night, I worried that I had some sort of quinsy. I loaded up on pain killers, and today I feel a great deal better. Lying in bed last night, feeling so ill, I thought how stupid I’ve been, giving up on Dry January when I did. The last few days of drinking mean that I’m much less able to fight this illness.

I absolutely HAVE to reach 100 sober days, and beyond. Because I never give myself the chance really to feel better. Even at 22 days, the addictive voice and cravings were still very strong, and I felt as though I was always hanging on the edge of caving.

My job means I am much busier in the week, but I still need to find the time to go to meetings, and to reconnect with sober help. I cannot do this on my own (even though I always think I can…).

9 thoughts on “Looking forward”

  1. Feel better!
    You have answered your own questions. Go back to meetings and give it your ALL. I am finally doing AA the right way for the first time and I can’t believe how much inner peace I have. I am able to deal with some real crappy family drama right now with so much less anxiety. Don’t get me wrong- last night we went out to dinner and a party and I was cranky as hell because I couldn’t drink…..but it PASSED.
    Keep us posted!

  2. Ow – Annie the throat sounds so sore. Not good battling that too. You go girl, you will make it to 100 days, I’m loving your determination. Meetings & sober help sound like a damn good plan. Wish I lived nearer you; I’d come to a meeting with you if I could 🙂 Red xx

  3. Annie, thinking about you today. Stay in bed, rest, keep warm get some BBC I player action. You’ll feel better in a few days. I haven’t been at this game long enough to give advise but lean on your network for help and support and I’m sure everyone will lean in to help you move forward.

    Go and get a big hug from someone – you deserve it.


  4. Hi Annie, Keep trying and one day it will click, I promise. The cravings do get weaker and weaker. I suggest you get to meetings everyday if you can, and get a sponsor. I hope you feel better soon. Noddy x

  5. Dappled Path
    By Susan Oxley
    There is a dappled path from the Valley of the Shadow into life.
    Those who walk the path move from joy to tears, from laughter to silent grief
    As the foliage of memory parts to let life shine through.
    Dark and light lay in erratic bands across untidy days.
    I am surprised into dancing, one fleeting moment of unbridled motion
    Affirming the existence of joy, the possibility of resurrection,
    Before shadows close again in pain. But the moment quietly echoes on.
    The light illumines memories, and they drift like leaves through autumn thought.
    Brilliant colors remind me of all I’ve lost, and of the bleak mid-winter.
    They touch my wet cheeks with gold, then fall lifeless in the dust.
    Healing laughter parts the shadows. I stand amazed at lilting notes, and wander on..
    My journey leads through other lives, other sorrows, other pains
    And my wounded heart bleeds afresh in passing, pausing, weeping
    With those who still stand stunned in the Valley.
    I touch their sorrow and murmur, only half-believing,
    “There is a dappled path from the Valley of the Shadow into life…”

    with much hope,

  6. Hi Annie, I hope you feel better soon. Keep trying. Go to meetings and go back to the addictions centre. You can do this. Just don’t give up. I’m thinking of you. A x

  7. I have to be completely honest right now. I have been coming to this website from time to time and when I come across your posts I believed that you were really trying to get sober. I don’t mean to sound cruel, but I feel you are just looking for attention. Get help. You obviously aren’t getting the help you need here. You want people (strangers) to feel sorry for you.

  8. Keep trying and it sounds like meetings really help you! So yes, if you can make it to one late Friday or evenings – whenever you find your most tempting time of day is – maybe that will help keep the motivation.

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