How can I describe it? Well, it’s not good.  I think I’m in control, but I’m not, and I feel trapped. I have always valued this blog as a place in which I can spread my feelings out, air them…put them into words.  And I really appreciate the responses I get, and value and need the support I receive here.

But one of my problems is that I worry so much about what people think.

I’ll tell you what is happening. I’m still drinking, and I can’t stop.  My attempts to stop thus far have failed.  I have tapped into sober blogs, listened to sober podcasts, contacted sober people, read sober literature and been to AA.  I have been to an addiction therapist.

None of it is enough, I know because I haven’t fully engaged in any of these things.

I want to get better, but I keep going round in circles.




2 thoughts on “Fear”

  1. You aren’t in control. Once you realize and accept that it becomes a lot easier.
    Don’t worry what others think. in the end, it only matters what YOU think and how YOU feel.
    Keep trying. Go back to AA and really give it your all

  2. Oh, you are so right.
    We have to engage fully in something to get the benefits!
    I worry about what people think, too.
    But Soberinny is correct. It is the alcohol that had the control.
    Keep on.

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