How can I describe it? Well, it’s not good. I think I’m in control, but I’m not, and I feel trapped. I have always valued this blog as a place in which I can spread my feelings out, air them…put them into words. And I really appreciate the responses I get, and value and need the support I receive here.
But one of my problems is that I worry so much about what people think.
I’ll tell you what is happening. I’m still drinking, and I can’t stop. My attempts to stop thus far have failed. I have tapped into sober blogs, listened to sober podcasts, contacted sober people, read sober literature and been to AA. I have been to an addiction therapist.
None of it is enough, I know because I haven’t fully engaged in any of these things.
I want to get better, but I keep going round in circles.