I keep starting on day one, and then crashing by 5 (pm, not day 5, which would be a miracle at the moment). Last night, I asked my husband to help me. He does help me, but he is also an enabler, as I have been able to persuade him to let me drink in the past. We had a frank talk. He said that he’s been worried about my drinking for 5 years (is 5 a theme today?). I said that I was worried that I’d be different sober, not myself. ‘But the best you is you!’ he said, ‘not the drinking you. That you is comatosed, not funny, not witty…you’re not who you think you are when you drink.’
So I took my last sip of wine. It tasted bitter, and I thought, ‘I have had enough.’
He wants the best me. I want to be the best me. It starts today, and he is going to help me. And I’m going to help myself by going back to meetings, and listening, and asking for help.