I’ve been fine today, until now. Now I feel dreadful. My son is ill, and that always makes me feel depressed and low, trapped and worried. I’ve just been to the shops to get some easy supper, and I really wanted to buy some wine and drink it all. But I know I can’t, and I didn’t, particularly as I’d spoken to my son this morning, and had told him I wasn’t drinking.
But I so wanted to. And I want to now. I know I keep going over and over these early days, and I know I need to get through them; but this is the moment when it looks so bleak, and I wish I could numb it, not feel it.
A Dappled Path 
Try what many describe as “urge surfing”…imagine you are riding a wave on the ocean…the wave is your desire to drink. Ride that wave to its conclusion..where it dissipate and slowly glides into shore. This is a way of sitting with the urge as opposed to going into automatic pilot mode…urge to drink is there, we focus on it until it becomes unbearable and then we just drink and say I will quit tomorrow. If you can ride it out, it will pass. I also take glutamine which is helping me with the cravings – 500 mg four times per day. Riding the waves with you Annie. I know how you feel.
I need to investigate supplements, I think. Annie x
We don’t always have to do what we want.
Sometimes we have to do what is best for us.
Learning. To cope without numbing is hard. Please take care. Ask for help. Tell your husband.
You can do this.
My husband isn’t here – he’s at a drinks party! Aaarrgggghhh.
Hug.
So true. Sobriety is about learning to do what you know needs to be done and in your heart, you know it’s what you want to do. You want to take care of your son and you want to show him that you are strong enough and he is important enough to keep your promise to him. You want that so much more than you want that drink, even if right now your lizard brain is telling you lies like, “I can be just as good a mom if I drink.” or “One drink won’t matter, I’m making a big deal out of nothing.” Don’t let that voice drown out your heart.
How about going and lying in bed with your sick son? I watch my sleeping son when I’m feeling like you do, and it fills my empty reserves with resolve and reminds me what’s most important to me. It’s a way to energize my soul and my goal, and it’s such a comfort in both directions. Your son would probably appreciate your comfort and love, you’ll be reminded of your promise to him, and you’ll be away from the urge.
It was such a nice idea to be with my son – thank you. I’d been raging around, and hadn’t even thought of it. Annie x
Annie I’m not sure if you look at the Living Sober site these days but Mrs D’s recent post speaks to just the struggle you’re talking about, and what a relief it is to get past it. In my limited experience, I agree with Mrs D–getting through these tough moments makes them easier to get through until they sooner or later lose most of their power. Wishing you well xo
Here’s a link in case you want to read the post I mention:
http://www.livingsober.org.nz/blessed-relief/
This is really helpful, and the article describes exactly how I’m feeling. Annie x
I read this post in Living Sober this morning too and my first thought was “ANNIE !! I hope she reads this ! “
Yes, it was so helpful!
I had an urge to drink too, but I’m not giving in. I’m getting a replacement drink right now… have you got one? We can do this, we can be sober today xx
Did jobs around the house, and thankfully my husband has abandoned his drinks party and is on his way home. Annie x
Do what you need to do. The urge will pass, believe it or not. And you will be so glad you came out the other side.
I do think this demonstrates why you need some in-person support. Whatever you think of AA meetings, I know from experience that calling someone when you want to drink can get you through the crucial moment. And I know you will think the people at AA, whom you haven’t seen for a while, will be irritated you are “bothering” them, but you couldn’t be more wrong. A core AA belief is that alcoholics stay sober by helping other alcoholics (I think a lot of sober bloggers feel the same way). When I get a call from someone who needs help, I always feel I get more out of it than she does. So pick up the phone — doesn’t even matter if you never go back to an AA meeting.
The blogs are great, but it is too easy to switch us all off when you are in the grips of the obsession. I think you have seen this again and again. Everyone has told you you have to change something up to get different results (definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results), and I have for a long time thought that getting in-person support was that something. The urge to drink, especially at the beginning, is immediate. You need support that is the same. Please.
Am contacting an AA friend right this minute x
Yay!!
Dear Annie, there’s some great advice above! I’m just chipping in to see you how you are to let you know that I hope the urge is passing. It will pass. Love to you x.
The urge passed…but it’s back again today…
Hi Annie, there is great advice above. Stay strong. You can do this. A x
I’m trying, Angie x
Annie, I’m so glad you blogged your way through the cravings! That’s a real step forward!
Yes, blogging my way through those hours really helped me yesterday. I may have to do the same today x
It’s so hard, but we must do something to get us through the cravings. Then they become easier to deal with. Today I went to the gym and hopped on the elliptical for 20 minutes to clear my head. I sweat it out. It really helped.
I also think part of it is preparing for the cravings or trying to set ourselves up to prevent them. We need to arm ourselves! xo
It is hard, I agree. X