A good moment

I fool myself again and again. There is never a good time to stop drinking, and my planning, arranging and rearranging just shows me how powerless I am. Away at the moment, I had hoped that the distraction of a holiday would take my mind out of the loop, that I would miraculously feel free of the internal debate. And indeed, for the first day or two, I did feel a kind of freedom, where I was busy, and in a different environment than usual, and the habits changed. But now I’m back in the centre, and I feel it creeping in on me again. And I know, deep down, that this will NEVER change, that I will always be fighting it unless I take alcohol out of the equation completely, and work on GETTING SOBER.

Not when I get home. Not at the start of term.  Not when I’m older, wiser, more miserable, more broken. Now.

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6 thoughts on “A good moment”

  1. glad to see you’re back. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It sucks royally sometimes….. But the way I felt drinking was far worse than the way I feel now. I actually like myself now.

  2. “Now” is the perfect time. I put it off too. There was always “Just this birthday party”, “after that dinner party” or my personal favourite “I’ll get over this stressful time, and the drinking will stop naturally”. Er, no, complete bullshit. Now. Best time for everything. Great post, hugs to you xx

  3. Yes, and remember that by the same token the only time you have to not drink to stay sober is now. So don’t torture yourself thinking about future scenarios (even just a few hours in the future) when you won’t be drinking and wishing you were. These moments are never as bad when we’re actually in them, pushing through your urge, as when we 2crr9qj4 them in advance. Hugs X

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