I do listen to the kind advice I get here, although I know it looks as though I don’t. I often go back and reread the comments. But I also need to listen to myself, because increasingly I hear a small voice, almost constant, urging me to stop drinking. It’s definitely my voice, a part of me longing to get out of this stale place of endless day ones, and to find freedom from it all.
Today, my day one feels a bit different from other day ones, and oddly I think it’s because I don’t feel confident about it. I don’t feel full of optimism, but rather more wearily accepting of how it has to be. I am in the mountains, and I realised that I haven’t properly looked at them for…well years maybe. They are beautiful, and I’ve been missing seeing them.
On a more practical note, this afternoon when I usually have beer (I’m on holiday), I asked for a hot lemon. There appeared to be no such thing, even when I described squeezing a lemon and adding hot water; instead, I was given what is described on the menu as an ‘orange punch’. This turns out to be the worst alcohol-free drink I have ever had, basically tasting of hot boiled sweets.
Oh dear.
I am listening.
A Dappled Path 
Maybe next time order tea with lemon on the side and just don’t use the tea bag.
That’s a good idea. Annie x
It’s time to find a “circuit-breaker”. This continuous loop. Stop “trying”. Stop looking for a “sign”. Stop waiting until you are “ready”, or “optimistic’ or “in the right place”. Just Stop. xx
A ‘circuit-breaker’ – that’s a really good way of putting it. Annie x
I remember that weariness. I was no longer optimistic or enthusiastic, instead I was resigned to my fate of not drinking. This was a crucial time for me.
And it’s a crucial time for me as well; I feel it. Annie x
Keep listening.
And the small hurdles like the drink issue can feel huge. Just try to quickly move on x
I know. I will try. Annie x