Trying to listen

I do listen to the kind advice I get here, although I know it looks as though I don’t. I often go back and reread the comments. But I also need to listen to myself, because increasingly I hear a small voice, almost constant, urging me to stop drinking. It’s definitely my voice, a part of me longing to get out of this stale place of endless day ones, and to find freedom from it all.

Today, my day one feels a bit different from other day ones, and oddly I think it’s because I don’t feel confident about it. I don’t feel full of optimism, but rather more wearily accepting of how it has to be. I am in the mountains, and I realised that I haven’t properly looked at them for…well years maybe. They are beautiful, and I’ve been missing seeing them.

On a more practical note, this afternoon when I usually have beer (I’m on holiday), I asked for a hot lemon.  There appeared to be no such thing, even when I described squeezing a lemon and adding hot water; instead, I was given what is described on the menu as an ‘orange punch’.  This turns out to be the worst alcohol-free drink I have ever had, basically tasting of hot boiled sweets.

Oh dear.

I am listening.


8 thoughts on “Trying to listen”

  1. It’s time to find a “circuit-breaker”. This continuous loop. Stop “trying”. Stop looking for a “sign”. Stop waiting until you are “ready”, or “optimistic’ or “in the right place”. Just Stop. xx

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