I do listen to the kind advice I get here, although I know it looks as though I don’t. I often go back and reread the comments. But I also need to listen to myself, because increasingly I hear a small voice, almost constant, urging me to stop drinking. It’s definitely my voice, a part of me longing to get out of this stale place of endless day ones, and to find freedom from it all.
Today, my day one feels a bit different from other day ones, and oddly I think it’s because I don’t feel confident about it. I don’t feel full of optimism, but rather more wearily accepting of how it has to be. I am in the mountains, and I realised that I haven’t properly looked at them for…well years maybe. They are beautiful, and I’ve been missing seeing them.
On a more practical note, this afternoon when I usually have beer (I’m on holiday), I asked for a hot lemon. There appeared to be no such thing, even when I described squeezing a lemon and adding hot water; instead, I was given what is described on the menu as an ‘orange punch’. This turns out to be the worst alcohol-free drink I have ever had, basically tasting of hot boiled sweets.
I am listening.