I have been stuck in the continuous loop for so long now. Day one, day two, then back to the start. I’ve also noticed that the weeks in between, when I give up giving up, are the worst; it is then that I feel at my most hopeless. Many bloggers advise well on getting out of this loop: Mummywasasecretdrinker has a brilliant post on the ‘obstacle course’ – I’m pretty sure it’s one of the links on her blog. If I can get through these muddy fields, and get to the other side, I am sure I will find some peace.
But I still have to get through this mud somehow. Today is day 2 – and thank goodness, because I’ve been struggling to get here. I woke this morning genuinely relieved that I’d made it and keen for more of this relief. Discussing Easter Day plans with my family, and with my parents (we are all together here), my mum proposed champagne at lunch. ‘Not for Annie; she’s in recovery,’ my husband said. I’ve had a bad cold and was in bed yesterday afternoon being nursed, so partly that’s what he meant, but it was the very first time I’ve heard him say RECOVERY and it felt right.