Mind melt

It’s the afternoon of Day 3 and I’m sitting outside the gym, trying to persuade myself to go in and get thinner for a black tie thing in 8 weeks. Why is that I’m trying to get fit, thinner, sober and nicer all at the same time? I suddenly feel overwhelmed with tiredness.

I don’t want to drink. I’m not sure what I want to do. Everything feels a bit BIG somehow. In theory, this is a quiet week before I go back to work, and so a good week to get my head round sobriety, but it’s also a week when I have time to look after myself and that doesn’t necessarily mean pounding on the treadmill.

So much of my drinking pattern in the past seems tied up with a feeling of uselessness, almost – strangely – a desire to BE useless, or at least not be organised, fit, efficient etc. A glass of wine helped to start the process of not minding how I felt; now I feel as though I mind all the time, that I can’t let go.

I felt great yesterday. Today I don’t feel so great, but I know that is to be expected.

12 thoughts on “Mind melt”

  1. The only thing that needs “fixing” right now is sobriety. focus on that. everything else will start to fall into place as you gain sober time. You will like yourself so much more when you have more sober days.

  2. Please. Go to a meeting. That’s where you will find people to support you and bolster you where you are right now. Also, not the time for a new fitness routine. But getting out for walks in the fresh air — low pressure, no set mileage, will probably bolster you spirits and help with the cravings. Some gentle yoga at home is great too — or just stretching. But mostly, find some in person support. Like now.

  3. I know what you mean. I tried going to the gym to lose weight and quitting drinking at the same time…too difficult for me.

    1. I have been reading your blogs for months now and understand the ups and downs. I also connect to that desire to just “be useless” but unfortunately tomorrow comes and you regret wasting that time. . I am in week 2 of non-drinking during the week and only 3 beers max on the weekend. My turn-around was when I happened upon a conversation between my boyfriend and his”bff” who is a woman (a psychologist, mind you) with whom he shared my drunken antics with and she told him he shouldn’t put up with it and how I’ve probably been a functioning alcoholic my whole life . . and on and on. I read conversations about myself, how I was perceived and how I acted, which he always laughed it off to my face but I saw a different person through those words and it was not the person I saw myself as nor wanted to be. My self worth fell to the floor. He apologized and felt badly about it . . .but I’m glad I saw it. Anyway my whole point of this is that I have definitely lost weight! Alcohol has so many calories. I’ve also been detoxing with food grade diatemaceous earth and I feel great and have loads of energy. I am sleeping better without wild dreams and also listen to hypnosis to quit alcohol via u tube during bedtime a few times a week. . .Just thought I’d share and glad you are feeling positive. I think having that goal eight weeks out is a great target to shoot for! Keep going ! Donna in the US

  4. One thing at a time. You don’t gave you get thinner. You need to stay sober. But working out helps me with my mood swings abd sleep. But if you feel overwhelmed then just don’t pressure yourself.

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