It’s the afternoon of Day 3 and I’m sitting outside the gym, trying to persuade myself to go in and get thinner for a black tie thing in 8 weeks. Why is that I’m trying to get fit, thinner, sober and nicer all at the same time? I suddenly feel overwhelmed with tiredness.
I don’t want to drink. I’m not sure what I want to do. Everything feels a bit BIG somehow. In theory, this is a quiet week before I go back to work, and so a good week to get my head round sobriety, but it’s also a week when I have time to look after myself and that doesn’t necessarily mean pounding on the treadmill.
So much of my drinking pattern in the past seems tied up with a feeling of uselessness, almost – strangely – a desire to BE useless, or at least not be organised, fit, efficient etc. A glass of wine helped to start the process of not minding how I felt; now I feel as though I mind all the time, that I can’t let go.
I felt great yesterday. Today I don’t feel so great, but I know that is to be expected.