Sunny Day 4

I feel much better today, more positive. Spring is here and the garden is full of daffodils. But it is also 10.30am, and I tend to feel good at this time – I’m definitely a ‘morning person’.

I am trying to hold onto and mentally record how I feel when I feel good like this: kind of untainted, ‘clean’. Every single time I have drunk alcohol recently, I have felt dirty and hated the taste. Even that first sip was horrid, with no elation or buzz attached. It really felt pointless and stupid. That is what I am trying to remember, because the craving and desire for alcohol oddly seems detached from the good feeling that alcohol used to give me. What I mean is: the cravings are still there – not now, but come 4.30pm (the time my husband says I tend to text him with talk of wine) – but not the desire.

Another positive shift is that my husband is completely on-side. He has always been supportive, but he was always quick to go back to drinking if I suggested it; this time, I asked him to take NO NOTICE of me if I suggested drinking, to IGNORE any pleas for wine, and to REFUSE any suggestion that we drink alcohol together. It is his birthday today, and the children and I are planning a special meal for him tonight, with a mocktail to start. What a kind, lovely person he is: to forego a glass of champagne on his birthday in order to support me.

I know it’s early days; I almost fear sounding too optimistic, in case I curse it, but I do feel as though this might be it?

14 thoughts on “Sunny Day 4”

  1. Don’t think too much. Just enjoy the peaceful feeling and don’t wonder “when it will end”. Stay in the moment. You are doing great.
    As for meetings, try to get to some. I understand how difficult it can be to fit them in with kids/work, etc. I have been having difficulty juggling life and meetings.

  2. You sound like you are in a much better place today. You are doing so well. Enjoy this moment and remember how good it feels. And have a lovely evening with your husband and kids. A x

  3. Please go to a meeting. Building in some outside support will ensure that this is indeed it. And one day at a time. Of course, enjoy the good times, but don’t project into the future. All any of us have — alcoholics and normies alike — is this moment, so don’t miss it by trying to guess whether it will keep going into the future (it won’t, everything changes), whether it will be worse in the future (it will, sometimes) or whether it will be better in the future (it will sometimes).

  4. I am starting to believe that we don’t have physical cravings. We mental dependancy. That we should be able to fight.

    1. I think I have a combination of physical and mental cravings, but the mental cravings are what floor me, time after time, so that’s what I’m concentrating on. Annie x

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