Rainy day 5

I am moving steadily forward. This is a quiet week for me, I know, so I haven’t been scuppered by being overly tired, or being too busy. For now, I am able to be quite calm. What I have noticed, however, is that I have no desire to drink. This is strange. Last night, to celebrate my husband’s birthday, I made a mocktail for all of us (actually it wasn’t very nice, too much apple juice; I prefer something more bitter), and the idea of something alcoholic seemed absurd. The children didn’t comment, nor did my husband – it’s like a big old secret. That’s fine for now.

Many of you are suggesting meetings. I’m not ignoring you! At the moment, I can’t (or won’t?) get to them, but I am not being high and mighty, I am just wary. In the past, some meetings have seen me race to the petrol station to buy wine afterwards, so I want to tread carefully. I also don’t like the idea of leaving the children, who are still on holiday. That is why I am clinging to the blog, and to online sober friends – thank you – and keeping everything very quiet and calm at home. No social events in the near future, and just a steady, quiet time ahead for the next few days.

This is not to say that everything is hunky dory. Receiving some photos of our holiday from a friend last night, I literally saw glasses of wine dancing before my eyes when I remembered our time there last week. I immediately tried to remember the horrible taste, the sinking feeling, the disappointment in myself, because I don’t want to forget any of that.

10 thoughts on “Rainy day 5”

  1. You are doing so well Annie! Stay focussed, have lots of distractions and lots of fun/kind things planned to keep occupied. I can’t face a meeting either but I know many people swear by them. Perhaps experiment with different locations/times/types if it comes to it, or see if you can get some one to one support through a sober sponsor? (I realise I’m being hypocritical here as I’m not going myself, but a PP on a different thread said you need to do something different to make your resolve/recovery stick, I’m not sure what that is (I’m still struggling with my own!) but it feels like that’s part of the answer and may or may not involve meetings. You are your own best expert. For today just celebrate getting to day 5. xxx

  2. Hi, I was wondering if you have heard of “the Naked Mind” by Annie Grace. I just finished it first round and have begun now reading it chapter by chapter a second time so that it sinks in to my subconscious. I think everybody’s path is different, but this is really really working for me….it has a lot of psychology and neuroscience intertwined into it, but essentially the message is simple: alcohol (ethanol) is an addictive substance, we got addicted, now let’s retrain our subconscious mind to align with our conscious mind which is that we are addicted to alcohol and need to stop drinking. It sounds so simple, and I guess it is. It is working beautifully for me along with all of my other tools which include these sober blogs, the nakedmind community, yoga, meditation and Tommy Rosen….whatever works is all that is important. And CONGRATULATIONS – seriously – you are on a role.

  3. I’ve just read your kind comment, logged onto Amazon and bought this book. It sounds good. Yes, I have a teetering pile of books about drinking/giving up/AA, but one more can’t hurt! Thank you for the recommendation – I’m looking forward to reading it. Annie x

    1. Hi Annie, if you google the Naked Mind you can get to a link where you can at least read the first 40 pages…..but it sounds like you got through your cravings (I hope). Good luck and thanks for responding.

  4. Hi Annie
    More days AF the better! Look how many days you have had recently! Focus on that and don’t have such high expectations of yourself. Your only focus is not to drink, that is all. Leave the other stuff for later on. I am cheering for you!

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