Last night I watched a documentary about alcoholism. Did you see it? It was by Louis Theroux. He followed four alcoholics as they struggled to get well in the liver unit at King’s College Hospital in London. The courage of the people he talked to was incredible. What also struck me was their sorrow, and the way they tried to cope with sad and difficult things in their lives by drinking. And the drink was slowly killing them.
I may not be there – yet – but it will come if I carry on as I am. And I felt so aware of my own sadnesses, and thought about my ‘coping mechanism’, which basically involves trying to stop drinking on waking and by 4pm drinking again, smothering any uncomfortable or sad feelings with wine, or worse.
It’s another day one for me. I have texted the addiction counsellor asking if he will see me again. I know I need help and that I can’t do this on my own. There are lots of things in my life which I can do alone, and I am grateful for that; but drinking is crushing me.