Thank you for all your kind words, and for your advice. The comments are so very helpful.
It’s day 3 for me, and I’ve just got back from work. Work keeps my mind busy, but the odd thought of drinking floats through, and now, as I near 5ish, the cravings are strong. I know people think I don’t prioritise sobriety, too busy to go to meetings, not moving the counsellor forward – but I also know that when I get overwhelmed, I tend to cancel all sober plans and think sod it. I will not cancel that counsellor, even if I turn up and tell him I’m drinking (which I hope I won’t be).
So, it’s still hour by hour. Tomorrow, I’m going to a meeting, fitting other stuff in around it. I sat up until late last night, rewatching the documentary I mentioned a couple of days ago; this morning, my husband said he thought I was obsessing.
I feel pretty horrible. Not unwell, just not right in myself. One minute I want to cancel the counsellor and give up the money, the next I think I must get there and see him, to work out what to do next. One minute I want to drink, the next I am glad I haven’t.