As I started to write, a text popped up – from the counsellor, replying to my confirmation that I’d like to see him tomorrow. His reaching out to me last week, keeping the appointment slot open when part of me wanted to turn away and ignore it, is helping me to push through to tomorrow.
So, day one again today. As I lay in bed this morning – it’s a Bank Holiday here in the UK today; raining – my eldest daughter came in and stroked my forehead. My drinking is preventing me from being the mother I need to be. Hour by hour, minute by minute, I am going to get out of this place of despair.
A Dappled Path 
That’s good to hear, Annie, I think this appointment will be so useful. If you take it minute by minute, hour by hour before you know it you’ll be there, getting help face to face. Sending you Bank Holiday strength and hugs. Red xx
Good luck with the counsellor tomorrow Annie, I’m day 1 again too 😦
Good luck with your day 1 daisy.. I’m not sure how far you had gotten but I’m sure you can crack it. xxx
Thank you so much xxx
I know that the appointment with the counselor will help you a lot. Just make sure that you keep it! Also, keep your head up, you will get through this my friend.
Keep that appointment Annie. Face to face help, it’s there, grab it. Love to you.
You can do this Annie. Be honest with him tomorrow about where you are at and what you need. If you feel he can’t help you then like others have said there are other counsellors. I read somewhere that a good counsellor is like a pair of shoes, some look great but feel really uncomfortable, some are more suited for one purpose than another. The trick is to keep trying them for size until you find a great fit! Looking forward to hearing how it goes. xx
Annie, you are doing the right thing! Let go a bit and let others help you help yourself. You don’t have to do this alone!
Go. Take his advice. Don’t overthink this.
Just take a step.
I call that message from your counselor, a God Wink. It’s one of all those little things that happen that trying to point us in the direction we should go. We shrug them off and tell ourselves that we’re imagining things, that we’re reading stuff into these little nudges that just aren’t there. We;re crazy. (BTW, I learned I wasn’t crazy the other night at chat, apparently other women hear “voices” too.lol)
I call Bullshit on that. You know why. Because I started taking notice of those God Winks,, I started changing direction when nudged to go the other way, I quit ignoring them, and my life got so much easier, But not only that, it became something that still amazes me. All of us here did the same thing, you did too, you let yourself be nudged toward giving up drinking. You can’t stop there, you have to keep going. You have to follow the winks and nudges and stop throwing them away.
Go to that appointment! It will be worth it!
Annie i sorry you back on day one:( But everyday without alcohol is a good day so congratulations! I read this morning about alcoholics like you who drink silently daily and binge drinkers. The difference being was illustrated by showing the binge drinker meeting up with a friend and having a blast sometimes, but more often not…getting sick , forgetting everything that happened (making horrible choices) and wondering why the heck you trust that friend they bring nothing but guilt and remorse and bad sometimes criminal life decisions. The functional /daily drinker like you works, raises kids seems to have it all together except for the annoying friend who text her too many time” Hey what you doing? I want to come…Do not forget about me ..we have to go out… hey you should take off early today so we can meet..hey you should find new plans for your daughter so we can get together, hey you need to go shopping because i am coming over to celebrate your quitting drinking so grab some grub and wine for one last feast! Or hey you had a tough day/week etc lets have a few drinks together and unwind. This article was written by Unpickled….maybe you read her blog? Your friend sucks Annie she is annoying and is wasting your time:) I hope you dump her
A high functioning alcoholic is a scary thing to be… you’re able to “function” after years of heavy drinking because your body has “adapted” to the large amounts of alcohol you are consuming and your tolerance keeps going up and up until one day your body (organs) says no more… I can’t process all that poison anymore and it can happen without any obvious symptoms very quickly…. your body can go into liver failure.
That is exactly what happened to the mother of a friend of mi e. She was 56 years old. She went into liver failure and died within a month. Rarely conscious during the process Horrible! For her, her family.
Annie,
You need be in a place where you have absolute no access to alcohol (no stores, restaurants, social events etc. ) 24/7 for 60-90 days where drinking is NOT an option no matter what. The first 90 days are so important. Your mind will be clearer and than you can really see what the addiction has been doing to you.
You’re probably thinking that’s too scary, too inconvenient, it’s not that severe to warrant rehab, I have to be here for my husband and children .. are you really there for your children???… the recent incident with your daughter.. that really speaks volume the extent of your addiction. You’re in a much scarier place right now than an inpatient rehab and it’s going to get much worse. The 60-90 days are not much when your life is at stake.
Please talk to your counsellor tomorrow about this.
I know this may sound harsh but I am speaking out of compassion for you.
with hope
I’ll apologize up front, this will sound harsh. I hope you’ll hear the care and concern. When you see the counselor, tell him you made arrangements for someone else to be responsible for your child so you could drink without penalty. Once we arrange our life and the lives of our loved ones around the bottle we have reached the bottom. Only you know the true reason for cobbling together a ride for your daughter but if it was so you could drink or even if you felt relieved of the responsibility so you could drink,you need to face it with your counselor. I do wish you the best and hope you find the help you need and deserve.
Good luck for your session today Annie. Please update us on how it went. Sending hugs from my day 1 xxx
Hi Annie, its great the counsellor is reaching out. He’s clearly worried for your welfare. Don’t overthink things or think you are different from any of us. You have to go through this pain of stopping/starting in order to eventually stop. The benefits to stop have to outweigh the perceived benefits to continue. But they are only perceived benefits, that’s how addiction works. Good luck, I’m so looking forward to you beating this. Whether this is your time or if it’s in a years time, I’m with you and praying for you. Noddy. X.
I am so glad you will be going to this new counselor. You will walk out of there with a determination to stay with it. I can just feel it. Annie if you can get through a month or more sober, you will feel so much better. Work through this hard part and you will be rewarded. Really…