Part 2, Saturday

I have just finished telling my husband the truth: how I’ve been drinking, hiding it, only managing a few days drink free before buying more and drinking it secretly, the way in which I convince myself round 5pm that drinking is fine, and I’m mad to try and stop.

He really listened. He is amazing.  I have lied to him, and to myself, and to my whole family. But he listened with real kindness in his eyes; and I think he seemed relieved, finally to hear what has been happening, because I suspect he knew, but didn’t want to see it.

He is glad I am talking to him about it. And I am glad to have him in the secret world I’ve been guarding.

32 thoughts on “Part 2, Saturday”

  1. I happy that you told your husband the truth. He is a great man, for listening and understanding you. I am happy that you have such a person in your life. You need more people like him for support.

  2. That took courage and is a big step in the right direction. Your husband will now be able to support you properly and hopefully, this will really help you. Big hug. XXXX

  3. Annie I have not posted before but I have been following your blog and have read it from the start. I am so glad you have told your husband the truth. It is too much to carry on your own and the stress of all the secrecy is horrible. I used to do all the things you have described. At 3pm I would be in my kitchen drinking wine out of a mug so that my girls wouldn’t know. I stopped drinking 38 days ago and it is really tough but having admitted to myself and to a very few people close to me (including my GP and my counsellor who I had been lying to for a very long time) is such a relief. You don’t have to do this alone.

    I am really rooting for you Annie. Please be kind to yourself and grab all the support you can. Your husband and counsellor sound fantastic. I don’t know whether you visit netmums but there is a DRY thread under relationships where a fantastic group of ladies support each other- I would not have made it this far without them xx

  4. Honesty and openness are important to getting sober. All drinkers lie, to themselves, family, friends and employers. You are very fortunate to have a loving husband to stand by you, many people face this struggle alone. I’m so proud of you Annie, you are doing all the right things, the weird thing is when it ‘clicks’ you don’t realise it, all of a sudden you will have a week, then 2 weeks then a month. Take care and stay strong. Noddy x

    1. A week? 2 weeks? A month? I hope so! I am really hoping it does click this time. Thanks for being here, Noddy. Annie x

  5. Great news!! This is very important to your recovery. And I KNEW he sounded like a stand-up guy, so I am not a bit surprised that he reacted with kindness.

    I think I may have said this before, but it might really help for your husband to so some reading on alcoholism and the role of the spouse in recovery. Al Anon is a great resource, though he may balk at having to go to his own meetings. Or just some basic information on how the addict’s brain works — “Alcoholism for Normies” type material (maybe text your long-suffering counselor for some suggestions?). My husband has been so important to my recovery. He rarely has more than one drink when we’re out and would always choose an NA alternative if it is available — I know, weird, right? Anyway, once I committed to sobriety, he was totally onboard. But once he read about how the alcoholic brain works, as embarrassing as it was for me to admit — yup, that’s me — he was able to help even more. Someone who has never been addicted doesn’t understand the crazy, irrational pull the drink has on us. How it’s not just a matter of will power, like giving up pasta or something. How we, who love our families and would never, in normal circumstances, lie to them, or really anyone else, will lie to keep drinking. That sort of thing. It was also helpful for him to understand how physically grueling those first weeks of detox are, because for him, forgoing alcohol would have virtually no physical impact.

    Anyway, really just meant to say — Go Home Team Annie!

    1. Home Team Annie! Love that. I will tell my husband what you have said. I don’t think he has ever delved into my plentiful supply of alcoholic/recovery literature; directing him towards stuff that might help him understand what is happening to me would be very helpful. Annie x

  6. Yay, Annie!! Huge hug. You were the first to comment on my blog and it was so important for me to know there was someone else out there! I’m thinking about you and I’m so glad you told your husband!! I finally told mine that I’m blogging but haven’t shared the link and he hasn’t asked to see it. He is silently supporting me and not judging me through his actions…and just knowing he is there has kept me moving forward. I want to be a better person for him too!

    1. I don’t think my husband has read more than one post on my blog. I’ve just left a little message over on your blog! Annie x

  7. This is really a profound change Annie. I finally told my husband too on around day 7. Without him, I would not have made it this far. This is a very big deal that you’ve taken this step. Congratulations!

  8. Congratulations! I am relieved for you. Hiding becomes to second nature it’s hard to stop. I find myself doing it even when I don’t have to. Yay, you!

      1. Me too. My friends and family (except for my husband) still don’t know that I’m trying to quit for good. I look forward to “coming out.”

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