Talking to my husband has really helped. I felt pretty dreadful yesterday, terribly tired and quite poorly. I went to bed early, and woke this morning on what is my day 2 feeling better, and – as karymayhickey commented yesterday – lighter. Something has shifted; it’s almost imperceptible, but being more honest is helping to peel away the layers of deceit which have prevented me from taking sobriety seriously.
It still has to be a day at a time, I know that. Sunny UK has so many triggers; watching my son play cricket this afternoon with the parents clinking glasses may be difficult. But something inside me feels different, and the huge weariness I felt yesterday – a complete physical exhaustion – means I have no longing to drink. My husband had a glass of wine last night – he said he wants to finish it off – and I wasn’t envious. I was glad that I wasn’t drinking it. It looked horrible.
I have nearly finished reading Caroline Knapp’s ‘Drinking, a love story’. One of the kind people who commented here said it could be triggery, and I can see why as there are many descriptions of drinks, and the emotions that go along with drinking; but I also recognised so much in her story, and am finding it helpful.
Reading back over this post, I think I sound very serious, as though all the life and laughter have gone out of me. Hope I can find those things again.