Colder

That hot sunny Thursday, when I walked along the Thames with Sober Mummy, seems weeks ago. It’s much colder today, and my initial feelings of buoyancy after our meet have been hard to sustain. I found it really difficult yesterday. I was going to go to a meeting in the afternoon, but stayed at work instead, telling myself that I had a lot to do, and ‘didn’t have time’ for AA. My feelings towards the meetings are often ambivalent, and feel especially so at the moment.

Back at home in the evening, I took SM’s and others’ advice, and tried to distract myself, but I slipped into the usual routine of making supper while chatting to my husband, then watching television. The ‘Friday feeling’ lurked, tempting me, but I pushed through and we went to bed early. I felt dogged with tiredness, and slept fitfully, waking with memories of nightmares.

Long days ahead. I am trying to keep my meeting with SM uppermost in my mind, as it was so uplifting. Day 5.

14 thoughts on “Colder”

  1. Hi well done, that is how it works, acknowledging its tough but doing it anyway….keeping going,,,do what works for you….I spent a lot of time in bed the first few weeks…seemed like a waste of time, But nothing like the time I wasted being lost in drink…..xxx

  2. I’m struggling at the moment as well… I just try to remember that if I feel rubbish now, having wine won’t make _anything_ any better. So I might as well feel crap without the hangover, rather than with!
    Hope you have a good day, don’t forget about the sober treats. I’m having cake xx

  3. Annie you are doing great. Day 5 is great achievement and you sound much stronger and clearer thinking than before. You can do this Annie. Tori X

  4. You did a Friday night Annie! To me, that is the HARDEST!!! That first Friday night! Since you have that one under your belt, you know you can do it going forward! You know you have it in you. Draw from it. Know it is so very very hard. Keep channeling SM. Read your blog you wrote about her and the blog she wrote about you. Read them over and over. Maybe you will get back those feelings of buoyancy you had!!! I am so happy you made it through Friday Night!!! xo

  5. Please don’t give in to that voice! It will always give you a reason to miss a meeting or do anything that will help you stop the madness that drinking creates. It is hard at first and you are very tired. That’s your body trying to heal itself. Let it. Love yourself. Nurture yourself. You’re worth it and you deserve it.

  6. So proud of you Annie!

    Remember how we use booze to numb? To give us a break from stress, anxiety, whatever?

    Well, sleep does the same thing! Only better! So in the early days sleep as much as you possibly can. Your body needs it. Your head needs it. Go to bed at 9pm if you can!

    Huge hugs, SM x

  7. You can do it, Annie! You don’t have to feel buoyant and hopeful all the time. You just have to get through the tough times, and you got through a Friday night. Keep going! xo

  8. Hope you’ve been to a meeting today, Annie? You may not like them but if your therapist recommends them then you owe it to yourself to go three times a week. Have you made plans on how to tackle cravings this evening? Please stay on track Annie. Don’t give in to the wine witch. She’s a bully and she needs faced down. X

  9. Well done Annie, day 5 is fabulous! Keep Sober Mummy in your mind and you can do this…have you tried alternatives to AA? I know I don’t resonate well with AA but do completely respect it and love what it gives so many. I am newly trying SMART Recovery which I am finding very uplifting and positive….if something isn’t working for you, I suggest just try something different until you click with it 🙂 Thinking of you and sending you strength!

  10. I am in awe of you, day 5…..I am heading in to the evening of day 4 and it already feels insurmountable. This is my second go at sobriety, the first lasted 120 days before I succumbed to Mr winealot in my head. It was a rotten affair, all take and no give. He kept me happy from about 7pm till 2am when suddenly he would turn on me, leave me feeling sick and full of regret and walk out the door like he couldn’t give a damn. Of course I always forgave him and welcomed him back with open arms every night. Four days ago I called it quits, kicked him out the door and told him to leave me alone. He’s back though, but this time he is dressed up like a woman and is sitting in the lounge seducing my husband whilst I sit here trying to keep occupied. It isn’t fair is it? But I shall go and have a bath now and by the time I come back my hubby will probably have fallen asleep, a victim of wine knockout and I shall watch whatever I want on t.v…….you have to find the positives dont you 😉

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