Thank you for your support yesterday; your comments mean such a lot to me.
Around 5pm yesterday, I started to wish I was drinking, and discussed wine with my husband. He suggested we have an alcohol-free drink first, and then decide; by the time I’d had the fizzy elderflower, the wine craving had passed, and I was ok with fizzy water for the rest of the evening. I watched a film with my son and husband (my two daughters both out), and was in bed by 10pm. Not a late, thrilling Saturday night, perhaps, but it’s what I needed to do, and it worked.
And that’s what I need to carry on doing, every day: make a plan each day that works for that day. This evening, I could go to a concert that my husband is playing in, but it is a ‘glass of fizz’ first concert, and I know how big a trigger that sort of an event is for me, so I’m not going.
Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute if necessary. Because I so want to be free of this internal debate, and to live my life more fully.
A Dappled Path 
Well done Annie. I hope you don’t mind me saying but I am a little worried that your husband suggested deciding after an AF drink. I know he is being hugely supportive but Im not sure he really gets it yet. For you drinking is not an option and you really don’t need any scope to decide to drink. My husband was the same. I drip fed him the details of how bad things had got but eventually I knew I needed to be completely up front with him. Without the full picture he wasn’t able to support me properly. Now he knows the relief is overwhelming.
Well done on last night. Tori X
Hi Tori! I don’t know that I agree because I think that technique could work with me (I haven’t needed it yet – day 72 yahoo!) because it took away the tension in that moment and gave Annie the chance to move beyond the craving. It worked. If it hadn’t they would need to have tried something else – a bath, a dog walk, a trip to the cinema, whatever.
We all have different ways of stopping drinking and staying sober. And this worked on this occasion. X
I agree with what you say. Anything to get you through, whatever it is. I don’t think you can have too many tools in your box.
Hi Annie I’ve been following you and willing you on for the past few months although this is the first time I’ve posted. When I was stopping on my numerous occasions, I used to have an alternative AF drink too. I slowly realised that I was still giving that wine time importance in my life and therefore allowing feelings of missing out to occur. I had to ditch it completely. Do something, anything different around that time. It worked for me and hopefully worth a try. Wishing you every success on this hard but so worthwhile venture.
Hi Annie! You can look forward to going to your husband’s concerts in the future (perhaps when you’re over the 100 days hump?).
I like that elderflower drink and had a bottle of that last night (ha – changed days). Do you think boredom might be a factor in your weekend cravings? I know for me I get to a Friday and think “party!”. Endless nights in front of the TV are not thrilling. But now I realise that for many, weekends mean something completely different – sports, family activities, cultural events, hobbies, etc..- where booze is not a part of the equation. From what I’ve read “recovery” involves expanding our lives to include a host of new activities. I’m still finding this hard to because I am SO EXHAUSTED (also menopausal – although new cockapoo puppy arriving on Wednesday….). Perhaps you and your husband could plan some activities for the evenings next weekend that would be interesting/challenging/fun and are far removed from a wine bottle? Just a thought.
Hope your counsellor is back this week! And that you get to some more AA meetings (or other types of meetings, some of which have been mentioned by commentators. You need to find something that is a good fit for you. And that really helps).
Sending you hugs. X
I second Walkingonsunshine’s comments. Won’t repeat them. Sending support your way.