Sober Mummy’s advice yesterday, to stop drinking, not blogging, is good advice.
I was like a mad person yesterday.
Day one again. I may not post every day, but I am going to try. I’m not disappearing. I need to do this.
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A Dappled Path 
Hi Annie,
I have been following your blog for quite a long time although I have never posted before. I just wanted to say that I am so glad that you are still posting, I think you are super brave to keep trying that’s inspiring in and of itself! Best of luck Annie,
ClairePerth x
Hi Annie, I get a feeling that you know you can do this, but are still scared of letting go, please feel the fear and do it anyway…see how far you can get and then see how you feel, we all have your back…xxx
Hi Annie we all have our mad days which is why we come on here to support each other. Change is scary but no more scary than staying on a never ending rollercoaster. You can and will do this, amaze yourself xxx
Morning Annie! Big hug. xxxx
I feel for you, I really do. I met a psychologist who worked with anorexic teenagers. She said they don’t start treatment until the teenager is back in a healthy bmi. That seemed odd to me I mean if they can get to a healthy bmi it seems the problem is over. But she said they tell the parents the terrifying truth about the disease – it is a fatal disease- and they have to treat food like it is a medicine. You wouldn’t allow your fatally ill child not to take even an awful medicine. Then when they have a stable weight the treatment on the mental states can begin and eventually the patient rebuilds a good relationship with food. Ime it is the same with alcohol. First you have to not drink like you would take a medicine. It is just what you have to do regardless of side effects and desires and how it makes you feel. Then and only then when your mind is free of the drug and it’s side effects you can start to work on your actual recovery and find yourself and your joy again. It is two different kinds of not drinking. If you can just treat this first stage like a prescription – don’t drink and go to meetings like your friend said then your recovery life can start to unfold. Maybe that is no use to you but either way my heart really goes out to you. You have so much tenacity and strength. You can make your way out of this .
Excellent advice.
this is good advice. the whole problem seems to be that there is a choice – we can drink or not, because we don’t know just how bad off we are in our current habits. It’s very mysterious – will we die of some alcohol related disease or accident if we continue this way? Will we lose family or money? Who knows. And therein lies the problem. We don’t know. Which leaves that window of possibility that we won’t die or lose people and we can have that drink! I’d argue that it’s even more uncertain when we drink “too much” than when we starve ourselves what the outcome will be (having had both addictions personally). And that makes it harder to swallow the prescription, so to speak. We really have to somehow either convince ourselves that there’s no choice or somehow remove the choice physically from our lives. Just take the prescription, don’t question it. Move on to other things. Relief.
Do what ever feels right Annie. Just don’t drink! Allow yourself 10 days to fully clear the chemicals from your system. Perhaps blog at a different time of day? I.e. when you want a drink rather than when you are clear headed the day after.. use meetings, counsellor, email support, family, friends, whatever the tools required. (hug) xx
Stop drinking… It sounds so simple! But it’s not as we all know. We all had/have our mad days. But you came back to your blog and that is to be admired. Well done Annie. You can do this. Keep blogging, go to meetings and see your counsellor. We are all here for you and not going anywhere. A x
Ps: If your therapist is back, talk to him about splitting and how to manage it. There are definitely two Annie’s – the one who blogs and the one who finds a reason not to and then drinks. Somehow you have to heal the split as otherwise the two co-exist with no power or accountability. There is the Annie who wants to get better and the Annie that doesn’t. Sometimes splitting occurs as a result of trauma (which you have touched upon) EDMR can be useful, as can EFT (tapping) Good luck. xx
Hi Annie, I am with the others don’t stop the blogging, you blog for you and you alone, don’t worry about the possible impact on others we are adults we can make our own choices. Having been a bit harsh I will say, you are brave it is easy to ebb and flow on the sobriety thing, but it takes guts to own it publicly and you do that, your highs, your lows, your wins, your losses, you own it all, you don’t hide and you don’t blame. For all of those reasons you have every right to feel proud of yourself.
I follow another site on reddit called stop drinking. If you are looking for a different inspiration or style of interaction, come on over and lurk for awhile. It is an amazingingly supportive site for all walks of life, all types of drinkers, all over the world. It could be worth a look!
You even get stars based on the number of days sober…….
Hi there. Can you post a link the the stop drinking site?
https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/
Thanks for this. Just fid some exploring there and seems lke a great site. Advice, offered somewhere here, to NOT think so much about not drinking….may very well work for some. Different strokes. I’m of the camp that gains from reading of others’ struggles and successes. Thanks again.
Annie, this makes me so sad reading your posts. No matter how many people are rooting for you- and there are many- until you not only believe in yourself but work on the pathology that makes you want to harm and potentially lose everything including your health, your family and possibly your life, I’m afraid that you will continue to run around in this circle of madness. We can all give you support and love and empathy- and we do- but you have to learn to give those things to yourself as well- by whatever means you can. The journey may be painful but the destination is worth it.
I’m so happy you came back; I had only -just- “met” you! Keep fighting for yourself. You are worth it.
Annie one thing you might also want to consider is an outpatient rehab. I don’t know if there is one near you but it is much less expensive than rehab – like a few hundred dollars. They administer medication that allows you to get through the 1st week successfully and easily – no cravings. It just gives you a runway of success to build upon the following weeks. You need to get started, reap some early benefits and then just keep it going. You can do this.
Sending you hugs Annie. Well done for coming back to your blog. But blog for yourself, not for anyone else. There is good advice above. You can do this Annie. You want this. Stay strong and just don’t drink. A x
Just realise that I commented twice! The first comment was done on my phone and I didn’t think it worked. Oh well, you get double my advice! A x
Hi Annie, I’m glad to know you’re still writing. You are helping many of us. Despite your struggling, you are NOT giving up and that is very inspiring. And the key to eventually succeed! Thank you for your generosity. Diane xx
And even if it’s just a few words on your blog, that matters. That helps you to change what you need to change.
I agree, don’t stop blogging. Nobody has to read your blog if they don’t want to but I think it’s good for you. For those of us who do read it, we are all reading it for our own reasons. I get so bummed when I go to your blog and see you’ve locked it. Your failures have simply highlighted how difficult this process can be. Great advice in the comments above! Good luck as you keep working through this.
Reading this book today … Made me think of you.
Keep blogging for you, and know that it helps so many others!!
Here’s an excerpt from the book.
“Every little girl is told at some point that the world does not want to see the ugly, afraid, secret version of her. Sometimes the people who tell her this are advertisers, sometimes they’re people close to her, and sometimes they’re just her own demons.
And so she must be told by someone she trusts that this hiding is both necessary and unnecessary.
She must be taught that, in fact, some people will want and need to hear about her secret self as badly as they need to inhale. Because reading her truth will make them less afraid of their own secret selves. And she must be taught that telling her truth will make her less afraid too. Because maybe her secret self is actually her own personal prophet.”
Excerpt From: Glennon Doyle Melton. “Carry On, Warrior.” Scribner. iBooks.
This material may be protected by copyright.
Check out this book on the iBooks Store: https://itun.es/us/aa2yG.l
Excerpt From: Glennon Doyle Melton. “Carry On, Warrior.” Scribner. iBooks.
This material may be protected by copyright.
Check out this book on the iBooks Store: https://itun.es/us/aa2yG.l
Was reading this book today and thought of you (and me).
“Every little girl is told at some point that the world does not want to see
the ugly, afraid, secret version of her. Sometimes the people who tell her this are advertisers, sometimes they’re people close to her, and sometimes they’re just her own demons.
And so she must be told by someone she trusts that this hiding is both necessary and unnecessary.
She must be taught that, in fact, some people will want and need to hear about her secret self as badly as they need to inhale. Because reading her truth will make them less afraid of their own secret selves. And she must be taught that telling her truth will make her less afraid too. Because maybe her secret self is actually her own personal prophet.”
Excerpt From: Glennon Doyle Melton. “Carry On, Warrior”
Sorry for the double comment. It didn’t show up the first time, so I did it again and I don’t know how to remove it. Oops!
HI Annie: I’m glad that you are still writing. I think that your really impact a lot of people with your experiences and guidance. I admire your honesty and realism. It’s not a perfect story that you tell. I want you to get better, and I know that you will.
I kind of disagree with the “keep blogging” mentality. I’ve found that getting away from the ‘sober’ community, and pouring my attentions on other things – fitness, hobbies, reading, etc. – helps me realize what else there is in life and makes it less hard to abstain. ESPECIALLY in the beginning. Coming back to sober blogs, sober memoirs, sober pinterest, sober drink rescipes, sober living, sober sober sober etc. has the perverse effect of keeping us laser-focused on alcohol. Compulsively. So we’re then not just addicted to alcohol, we’re addicted to identifying with the struggle. And then we get to the point where we need the struggle because it defines us. I find it depressing at best and harmful at worse and think you should go with your gut on this one. Take a break from the obsession, or at least the elements of it you can take a break from. Concentrate on something else. Reminding yourself that you don’t drink takes like .01 of a second to remember. The rest of your day should be spent thinking about other things. Try it. I find it really freeing and good for my self confidence to identify with something(s) other than my failed attempts to stop drinking. Not only does it feel better, but it’s worked better. By the time I get done with all the things I want to do or all my goals for the day, it’s way past the time I would otherwise have started obsessing about drinking. Instead of scheduling meetings or counseling I schedule workouts. Instead of blogging I pick a show from my DVR or help my kids with homework or walk the dog or cook or bake. We can only stray so far from our normal routine, but we can put our energy in more productive places. And then it’s suddenly the end of the evening and I can congratulate myself and feel healthy and have some tea, and grab a book, and get into bed feeling proud instead of spending my days and evenings in a mental tug of war of shame and sadness and desperation. Be who you want to be, focus on that. Spend your time on that. Drinking isn’t part of that. Don’t spend a disproportionate amount of time on who you don’t want to be.
Nicely put!
The best advice I’ve ever read… simple, practical and very effective!!!
I’m going to try this. It’s a new way of looking at it for me. Annie x
Awesome Annie. I know you can do this. The best trick I’ve tried is to literally not give drinking more than enough thought to repeat in my head “I’m not drinking right now, I’m taking a break.” Then immediately move on with your day. Sometimes it’s disappointing but that passes in less than a minute usually. And your health is worth some temporary disappointment. Committment is the hardest, but most important part of this approach because it frees you from the should-I shouldn’t-I merry go round that keeps us obsessed. And it’s a little scary to be free from obsessing about this, because sobriety is supposed to be this big project. What will we do if we’re not “working” on it? How will we succeed? What will that look like? We succeed by NOT thinking about alcohol. Just dismiss the thought and move on. I promise. Don’t worry about the rest.
Yes, yes and more yes to this. The online sober world has occasionally done me more harm than good. I still check in; but not in the compulsive way I used to.
I agree Good Choices
Hmmm…Are you enjoying blogging? Has it helped you? In what ways? Is it keeping you from pursuing some other form of support that might be more successful? Blogging isn’t going to be everybody’s solution. You need a support network that you are comfortable in, yes, but you also need to make progress. Are you making progress? Enough?
If you’ve been blogging for a year and a half and you are not closer to where you want to be, add some other means of support, or trade it in for another means of support if you can’t do both.
Personally, I don’t think blogging is going to be your vehicle toward success. But that’s okay, there are so many wonderful avenues to explore. Meetings, Online support groups, Therapy, Life coaches…It seems to me that you are clinging to blogging as a means to salvation because it has saved others, but it doesn’t seem to be saving you.
Keep blogging if you enjoy it, but don’t depend on it to save you. Find another way.
Annie, there is lots of good advice here but of all the blogs I read here, yours disturbs me. Its the secret drinking. I’ve done a bit of that, sneaking the extra couple of gins while I’m doing dinner or filling my wine glass surreptitiously when no ones looking but your blog suggests you do a lot of it and into the evenings. Please go and see your GP. You might be worried about the impact of that on your husband and children but this thing is a killer. If you don’t stop, if you retreat into the shadows then you may not have the strength to resist this addiction on your own. Counsellors, AA have their place but you may need some tangible help to detox and then some drug therapy to stay AF for a long enough period so that you have a chance on your own (then with your counsellor/AA/Blogs). Please consider this Annie, we only get one liver and 40-50 units a week over a few years is going to wreck it.
Good luck
Justonenore
It seems to me that you’re focusing on the wrong thing here. The issue isn’t whether or not to keep blogging. The issue is figuring out how to get some real help with your gradually (in my opinion, quickly) worsening addiction. Having read your blog for a while now, I see a scary acceleration in the downward spiral.
My sense is that you do not take your drinking as seriously as you should. If you really admitted to yourself (and your husband) how bad this problem is, you would consider rehab, antabuse, 90 in 90, home detox, or something that might actually work. Blogging and seeing your counselor when he is in town just isn’t going to cut it.
I always worry when I comment on your blog that I’m being too harsh. But this is serious stuff. This drinking is going to make you sick, ruin your family, and very likely kill you. Please, please take it seriously and do something about it.
Let’s connect better! Are you in Facebook, Twitter? I get a lot out of those recovery communities. And I know people that create new profiles just for sobriety
Find me on Twitter @maninrecovery
Or Facebook username Markgoodsondotcom
Either way, you’re not alone!
Mark
Keep seeking soriety…. If you’re really tired of this then maybe consider rehab? Really consider it. Screw the stigma and what people think….we all need help sometimes.
Jenn
Hugs and love.