I was overwhelmed by the kind messages, love and support on my post yesterday. Thank you all so much. I read and reread those comments many times last night.
I struggled yesterday. I’m not in a good place and have a lot of work to do. But I do like writing here, and am going to continue to do so. I hope I have better news to tell you soon. I hope I have better news to tell myself soon.
Meanwhile, Good Choices commented yesterday about doing other stuff rather than blogging, or thinking about drinking; it is true that I fixate on the blog – and other things, I fixate on many things – and I would like to try having a more positive attitude and doing other things. But as I write this morning, I wonder if I’ll be able to do that?
A Dappled Path 
You are at such a low ebb Annie. And there’s only so much we can do here. If I was your friend I would frog march you to the GP. There is no doubt you are depressed but it is likely that this is alcohol induced and would lift if you stopped drinking.
I look back to the start of your blog – when you had recently relapsed on Day 61 – and you are in a much worse place than when you started. I wonder if blogging is just a displacement activity – that if you are blogging about stopping drinking, then it’s almost the same thing. It isn’t. Not at all.
This is not a sober blog. It’s a drinking blog. It’s a cry for help.
At the end of the day, the only person who can stop you drinking is you.
And you simply must find the inner resources to withstand your love for the booze. But I really think you need medication and really intensive support for you to be able to do it. There’s absolutely no shame in this – in fact, it’s a show of strength to take ownership and take steps. You would feel so much better in just a few weeks if you would only decide to commit to this.
I’m checking your blog several times a day and hoping that each day is a better one for you Annie. Big hug and lots of love. XXX
All good thoughts your way. Big hugs.
Annie, I don’t see a way to contact you via email, but I wanted to offer you a place to “retreat” if you can get away for a week or so. (I do live in the states, but all you would need is a plane ticket.) Email me if you would like details: mssoberblog@gmail.com. I was never able to stop without a change in environment. It’s nice to be in completely peaceful surroundings for a while to get a foothold on the path to sobriety. Peace of mind is hard to maintain when you are a busy mother. ; )
That is so very kind. You will go to heaven. X
I’ll see you there Annie. ; )
Hi Annie..I have a dear friend who is trying to quit and struggling. I actually referred her to your blog today. I think there are many women out here that are struggling like you. I think your blog will really help them to know they are not alone. I am so looking forward to when you quit, because after all of your struggles you will be an even bigger inspiration to those that are in your same boat. I don’t have the answer for you on what would work for you to quit, but I think, if you really want this, go to any length you need to get it! It is within your reach. Do whatever it takes. Get off the “dappled path” and onto a “straight path.” Xo
I echo all the above, Annie. You have so many people rooting for you! Go do it, girl! You can, you’ve done it before…you just need to dig down really deep!!
I too struggle with focusing on ‘other things’ than my blog and my work and all the things that keep away silence. I am afraid of silence it seems. That’s why it’s particularly important that I stand or sit or walk in silence every now and then. Important that I slow down and appreciate stillness. It’s a challenge for me, and really important.
There’s no reason why you won’t be able to have a more positive and optimistic life-the only thing holding you back is the booze. Go back and read others’ blogs at the beginning. You’ll see yourself there, you certainly will in mine-I went back and forth for a year on my blog before I quit for good. Watch for the transformation that happens when booze starts to dissipate from our lives-it will happen to you, too, and i can’t wait to meet the “real” Anne that is being held down and back. She’s goiing to amaze you and all of us. Set her free.
It think it’s massive that you haven’t closed your blog. I know you used to do that before. I agree with walkingonsunshine, you need some form of intervention (I know, change the record me!) and if rehab is not something you can do then a trip to the GP would be an idea. xxx