Strength required

Well, I said I wouldn’t write until I had a run of sober days, but that hasn’t happened, and I felt a need to write here. I need your help. Tonight is the night of the Ball, a giant party which I am partly helping with. When I went to the same event 2 years ago, I didn’t drink, so I know it’s possible. I want this to be my very last, very best day one.

My week up to this point has been strange, as I wend my way to a sober life. On the way to orchestra on Thursday evening, I saw someone on the train who I recognised from AA – I said nothing. Just a coincidence. But then, half an hour or so later, walking along the street in the middle of London, nearly at my rehearsal, I saw someone else from AA. The meetings I go to are nowhere near London. It was completely bizarre; a sign.

I will take my phone with me tonight and check in often. I am on my knees, praying for help, determined to get past this terrible cycle of addiction and despair.

 

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20 thoughts on “Strength required”

  1. Hi Annie, good to hear this is going to be your best ever day one! You can definitely do this, you’ve done it before remember. Just remember if the wine witch comes a calling, shoot her down with an imaginary barrage of fluffy bunnies and the like…..xx

  2. Hi Annie, this will be an awesome day 1.

    If you get past today with all that temptation, you will be in good stead. I believe coincidences happen for a reason!! Get to an AA meeting!!

    Sending you hugs and support. You are always in my prayers. Noddy X

  3. Annie, you HAVE the strength already. You’ve said it yourself, you’ve done this before, and whilst we can all support you and send you positive vibes, it’s only only you that can control what happens tonight. Change the I want bit of ‘I want this to be my very last day one’ to ‘this IS’. You don’t sound convinced, but you can do it, if you make a plan. Think of how you got through the night sober 2 years ago and use the same tools. X

    1. Silver Birch is quite right! This IS your last day 1. You ARE a non drinker.

      While you still ‘think’ it might be, ‘hope’ or ‘want’ it to be it won’t work.

      When we truly BELIEVE is when the magic happens.

      Now, go sprinkle some fairy dust….

  4. Annie I don’t think it really matters in the grand scheme of things whether or not today is a Day 1 or not. This is your life and all you hold dear that is at stake here.

    When you say you are praying for help, are you really? Because several commenters with a lot more knowledge and experience than me have told you that you need much more help than you are currently using.

    If you REALLY want to stop, you can. But you must really want it. And because you’ve been trying for a long time, I really think you need to throw the book at it. Everything all your sober friends have been imploring you to do. Just do it. Because the odd session with a counsellor and the occasional AA meeting will not cut it.

    Praying, asking for our support. That’s all very well, and you have it in abundance. But you really need a lot more than that. I am praying you get it.

    Big hug and hope tonight goes well. X

    1. You might want to ask yourself if you are using the thought of ” Day 1 tomorrow” to justify drinking today.. it’s a trap that the addictive voice likes to use to keep you drinking. .. the voice that says “tomorrow will be a better day to begin so drink today and start day 1 tomorrow”. There will always be a reason to drink if you are looking for one. Please seek help… there are a finite amount of tomorrows.
      with hope

  5. Wishing you the best for tonight. Whether you get through it tonight alcohol free or not…try to stop obsessing about day counting, success vs failure, the all or nothing thinking that sets you up to fail. Instead craft a vision of the life you will lead alcohol free and then do everything you can to live that. It’s an exciting new world out there for you. And practice some self-compassion.

    http://www.filmsforaction.org/watch/a-self-compassion-exercise/

    We are all on this road together. I struggle too…but this the approach I am trying to make work for me. So far, so good.

    XOXO…Beattie

  6. Hi Annie…I think what happened this week were signs, not coincidences. I am excited to hear how you did at the ball tonight! Since you’ve done it before, you know you have it in you to do it again. How badly do you want it? Have a wonderful, sober time tonight on your Best Day 1!!! xo

  7. Hi Annie, I have had a few day ones. TRY and it’s so hard, but try and not beat yourself up too much, keep it in the day, in the hour even. Just focus on today not yesterday or tomorrow. you will do it we are here for you sending big clouds of love and strength, KBO xx

  8. Hi Annie. I hope you manage to navigate your way through tonight ok. I wish I had some sort of wisdom I could pass onto you, but I myself am failing at quitting too! I have heard so many people say that you have to REALLY want it though. Just don’t wait for something horrible to happen first 😦 I admire your honesty. I think whatever you do, try not not to worry yourself silly about tonight, or you will certainly end up on the sauce! Good luck x x x

  9. Thinking of you tonight, Annie. You just need to get through the wall you keep coming up against. Push through it hard, no excuses. Let the evening be wonderful and pull on your memories from 2 years ago. Big hug!

  10. Hi Annie, I really hope tonight’s a success and all that but I can’t help agreeing with Anne above and wonder why you consistently put yourself under so much pressure with thoughts like ‘the very best day one’ and comparing a sober evening at the ball two years ago with this evening? My advice to you my friend is to give yourself a BREAK from thoughts of yesterday and tomorrow, best day ones and working towards a sober life. This is it! This IS your life, this moment. And if you want it to be a sober life, don’t drink in this moment. It’s hard to start with, we all know and understand it’s hard. But, at this precise moment, put your drink down. Go and do something – else. The need WILL pass. Love to you Annie and like I said, I really do hope tonight’s a success, The Sober Garden xx

  11. Annie, for years I have struggled to lose weight. If only I had the willpower to stick to one of those low calorie food deprivation diets. I secretly wished there was a pill that I could take that would give me the willpower I needed. I could succeed if I had the willpower.

    Well when it comes to drinking I think it is even harder. Pure willpower alone often isn’t enough to curb the desire. AA meetings are supportive but they won’t be there to hold your hand at the ball. Coincidence won’t be enough to stop you putting that glass to your mouth.
    There are medications available to help when willpower isn’t enough. Antabuse will make you violently ill when you drunk. You could end up in the ER. Other meds take the enjoyment factor of alcohol away making it pointless to continue drinking. I don’t endorse any medication but if my willpower alone wasn’t enough I would seriously consider taking the next step. Heck, if there was a drug that could make me violently ill every time I ate chocolate it wouldn’t be long before I stopped eating it. Who wants to associate chocolate with being ill? Who wants to associate wine with being I ill? I would take that step if willpower alone wasn’t enough.

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