I have got up early to write, and to reread your kind and wise comments from yesterday.
The Ball was a success, and I enjoyed parts of it; but Anne was right when she questioned why I keep putting myself in these difficult situations where drinking is so much the central activity. I had some wine at dinner, though I avoided the champagne at the start, and came away from the evening glad that I hadn’t got drunk, but sad that I couldn’t say it was my sobriety date. It is perhaps foolish to get stuck on this idea of a day one, but when I hear people announce their sober dates at meetings, or in blogs, I am always envious, so I feel it’s important to me.
On arrival last night, my heart sank when we were greeted with trays of champagne and not an alcohol-free drink in sight – despite my having asked in advance what the AF option would be. But my lovely husband went and found me some sparkling elderflower alternative, and that helped me in the early stages of the evening. I am annoyed with myself that I succumbed to the wine at dinner, and I hated the taste of it, but I was grateful not to be tottering drunkenly round the marquee, as several people were, early on in the evening.
So, where am I? Well, I am a non-drinker, on Sunday morning, making tea for my husband and about to take it back upstairs to him with the paper. I may be naive thinking I can do this with a handful of AA meetings, my weekly counsellor appointments and my hopeful blog, but that’s what I’m doing at the moment, and I feel strong inside, and grateful for every opportunity to find my way to my new day one. I am leaving my drinking days behind me; the last sip during dinner last night tasted hollow, and I am not going back there.