Life passing me by

It will be no surprise to you – and it’s no surprise to me – that things have not improved. I haven’t been able to drink sensibly, and the days are going by in a mixture of haziness and a kind of frantic busy-ness. Tomorrow I’ll start…after the holiday I’ll get sober…some day soon I’ll really attend to my health…I must stop drinking and I must stop now…These thoughts go round and round on a perpetual conveyor belt in my mind, dishing out promises daily.

I stopped reaching out, and turned in on myself. It is a horrible, lonely place to be.

Meanwhile, I am tired all the time, struggling to get through the days, paranoid and unproductive.

My friend from AA has texted me every few days. She is a blessing. I have read my favourite sober blogs regularly, but I haven’t been able to comment. I feel as though I have disappeared.

But all is not lost. Today I feel ready to nurture a kernel of hope, and I am writing here in order to tell you, and to tell myself, that I am still listening.

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6 thoughts on “Life passing me by”

  1. I have been thinking about you, Annie. So pleased you are trying again. Please, look back on all the suggestions and advice you have been given in the past, and write them all down, it is so easy to forget in the spur of the moment. Prepare for each and every day with strategies, distractions, AF drinks, and treats. Make excuses and lie if you have to, to avoid events with alcohol. And do something nice for you with your time instead. Keep your list handy, and try everything it says, even if your addict mind is telling you it won’t work, all you need is just one drink.

    Dig deep and use all your sober tools to get out of this awful place you are in

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