Again, I closed my blog for a while yesterday. I can’t seem to get through a day without doing this. I think I’d like to write a post later in the day as well, to help me through those hours. The cycle has become so entrenched, I know I need to get through a whole day sober, and then I will feel stronger.
Like clockwork every afternoon, my resolve weakens. Well, of course it does – I know how addiction works. Inside me though, I feel this real strength, and a strong desire to be sober. This has got to be stronger than the addiction for me to succeed.
I’ve been reading many other blogs recently. People are doing so well. The long-time sober ones sound full of strength and joy, and I want to be like them. And the newly sober ones sound so brave and amazing. My drinking is chipping away at my sanity, whittling a new, horrible identity.