A nutritionist friend recently contacted me, and I went to see her yesterday. This has given me a real boost. I am going to do a nutrition test, and the results will then form the basis of a health programme, with vitamins and other necessary supplements. My body has taken a battering in recent months, and I feel pretty terrible. I’ve also put on masses of weight, and feel completely unfit. YUCK.
I always like a plan, and the last few months, work aside, have seen me drifting. Today, I feel determined for the first time in days: determined to look after myself better.
Of course, underlying it all is the drink, the wretched drink. That has to go if I’m to have a hope of dealing with any underlying health issues. My family holiday is very soon, and I have been negotiating with myself about whether it is possible to have an alcohol-free time away. Well, of course it is possible – the question is, can I do it? We are going to a completely new place, so there are no old memories of drinking (the past few years, we have been to the same location, with all the old memories keeping me stuck in bad patterns); I have the opportunity to reinvent myself on holiday, and really experience it. In one of the latest Bubble Hour episodes, the speaker talks of going on holiday only a few days into sobriety; she walks along the boardwalk in the evening, almost crippled by the amount of alcohol and people drinking everywhere. She describes feeling dizzy, and is desperate to find some fizzy water. She gets through it, and the next morning walks out onto the beach before the rest of her family get up. She is suddenly aware of the vibrant life around her: people windsurfing, walking their dogs…people living; and she realises that there is a whole new life for her here, one she has never noticed before. I am paraphrasing, but do go and listen to it – it’s a powerful episode.
Again, I am sorry I have been so erratic about my blog. My closing and opening of it is part of the trouble I am in, part of my difficulty. But I do so like writing here, telling you stuff. It helps.