I didn’t get past day 3, and haven’t been able to for such a long time. I will write another post when I manage to get a bit of a longer sober stretch – at least a week – because I find it too painful crawling through the first few days, then failing, then writing about it.

I am not going to stop trying. I am trying again from today, and I will keep trying until I find some peace.

19 thoughts on “Struggling”

  1. Hey Annie. I’m on day 3 after six months of false starts. Giving up can be a bitch can’t it?

    Treat yourself with kindness. I think everyone will be waiting for you when you’re ready so just focus on getting your head in the right place and then we’ll have at it!


  2. I’m sorry Annie. Please think about rehab.
    I can’t remember but have you ever spoken to your GP ? You need professional help urgently. I am worried for you Annie but you don’t need me to tell you that whatever anyone else says or does ultimately its up to you. If you really want to stop you can do it. But none of the approaches you have tried have worked – you need professional expert care from addiction specialists who know what they are doing – nutritionists etc can come later. Right now the bottom line is you need to stop drinking but only you know whether in your heart you really want to. If you do then reach out today and grab the support available with both hands. Call your GP, contact the drugs and alcohol service, contact a rehab centre. Be honest with them. You are in crisis. You need help TODAY.

    If you don’t want to stop its up to you and it’s your choice. You are a grown woman and if you choose to drink no one can make you stop. That has to come from within.

    Tori x

    1. Annie I’ve just noticed that tomorrow it will be exactly 2 years since you started this blog. I really think you should take that as a sign. For what it’s worth I think two years is long enough.

      Love Tori xx

  3. Hi Annie, sorry to read this. Please give rehab, residential rehab, another thought. I believe you would receive the care, attention and support that you need to really break the hold that alcohol has over you. In reality it’s six weeks out of your life. 6 weeks versus a lifetime. Please think about it Annie. Much love , Lily 🌷X

  4. Annie, this is deadly.
    Why don’t you set a deadline, say Dec 31, If you’re not sober by then you’ll go to rehab.
    Just making that pledge may be enough to stop without having to go to rehab.

    Everyone I’ve met who has been to rehab has described it as one of the best experiences of their lives.
    If I relapse I’ll definitely check into one. Look after yourself and choose life. Noddy x

  5. Dear Annie, I’ve been following your progress since my last Day 1 (after many, many, many Day 1s which – unlike you – I was too embarrassed to document). Don’t despair… there will come a time when you make the decision that you can and will live your life without alcohol. But that’s where you have to be. There isn’t an alternative. Best wishes, P x PS I downloaded an app called Stop Drinking Alcohol, about £3.50 I think, and it really helped me to have instant access to quotes from people who have stopped drinking. I haven’t used it for a while now, but looked at it today and was quite surprised that I’m on Day 241. You’ll get there…

  6. It is brilliant that you keep trying. You had two days after a long period of drinking. That’s great. I remember a time in my not-too-distant past when one day was a miracle. The thing you miss out on by going back so soon is the point where being sober starts to feel good. Even a week or 10 days in and subtle, nice things will start to happen. You might relapse again – you might do it 100 times, but it is so much easier to do sobriety when you are making a choice to feel good and not punishing yourself for being bad. Next time, and there will be a next time, I want you to practice being really, really mindful of everything that is better about not drinking. Like, “isn’t it nice driving after dark” and “oh my gosh, look at my clear, non-bloodshot eyes”. Notice everything. You have to give yourself a good reason to stay off the sauce, which is actually harder when you’re a high-functioning person who hasn’t lost anything material (yet) as a result of drinking.

  7. Day 3 is always a bear. I agree with the above sentiments that you need more support. For me, I had multiple day 1s and I decided to do an outpatient detox. I visited a Dr who gave me light meds for 5 days to take at home. It got me through the tough first week. Week 2 with no crutch was a drag but I didn’t want to give up my momentum and by week 3 I knew I was on a solid path. I haven’t looked back. I read everything I could get my hands on and have had my BEST summer ever. I am free from the obsession of waiting for my next drink. Such bliss!

    You can do it Annie, but you need to get yourself out of this circular hell. Spend some time looking for resources to help you and make a plan that is comfortable for you. My plan worked for me, because it offered the privacy, time and inexpensive financial commitment I was willing to make as a first step. I knew much more expensive options were out there, but I didn’t want to take that step unless I had to. It took away the struggle, and frankly, made it pretty easy for me.

    Many of us will help you look for options if you just ask. Big hugs.

  8. Don’t lose heart Annie, keep on trying. It was January 2014 that I first started on this sober journey and I’m not going to give up. You do sound like you need different tools to keep momentum. Lots of good suggestions here. Sending hugs and strength. X

  9. Keep plugging away, Annie! Please know that there is no right or one way toward this! Every day you go without a drink is a day in the right direction, even if disrupted here and there. You will get past Day 3 and one day, you will be free of this! Sending love!

  10. Annie, This is heartbreaking-AGAIN! Pick up the phone, make a call. Get help-real help-get an addiction counselor and get into a rehab program. Nothing that you have done has helped. It may seem scary to do what it takes to stop drinking-but it’s a living hell that you are in now. Why is that better? Are you waiting for some horrible thing to happen to make you face the fact that you cannot do this alone? Because if you wait long enough, it will happen. The sooner you get help the sooner you can get this behind you. But, as Tori says, it’s your choice. All your choice.

  11. Annie, I have been sober for 5 months. I go to AA, have a sponsor, and work the steps. I was just like you, until I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I decided to go to any lengths to quit drinking. Sadly, not everyone gets sober. Sending lots of love your way xoxo

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