Mummywasasecretdrinker has written a brilliant post about doors – well, it’s about lots of things, but the doors part has really struck me today. I have been steadily closing down doors, and I need to open them. I haven’t been able to get a grip on a run of sober days, and now I’m back at work I have woken up pretty early today – Sunday – in a panic because I have so much to do. But I know I would feel so much calmer if the drink were gone.
As one or two people have recently commented, I started this blog 2 years ago. And I am still here, scrabbling away, not getting a grip. When I met Sober Mummy a few months ago, she asked me what I was afraid of? Why did not drinking scare me so much? The truth is, I haven’t even tried it, not really. I haven’t got past the craving, nagging period, I haven’t felt any of the benefits; I’ve gone round and round the early days, gnawing at my nails before succumbing to another glass. I feel strong in so many areas of my life – but not in this area.
I am starting again today. Deep down inside of me, I want this, and I know I can do it. Otherwise, those doors may seal tight shut.