Mummywasasecretdrinker has written a brilliant post about doors – well, it’s about lots of things, but the doors part has really struck me today. I have been steadily closing down doors, and I need to open them. I haven’t been able to get a grip on a run of sober days, and now I’m back at work I have woken up pretty early today – Sunday – in a panic because I have so much to do. But I know I would feel so much calmer if the drink were gone.
As one or two people have recently commented, I started this blog 2 years ago. And I am still here, scrabbling away, not getting a grip. When I met Sober Mummy a few months ago, she asked me what I was afraid of? Why did not drinking scare me so much? The truth is, I haven’t even tried it, not really. I haven’t got past the craving, nagging period, I haven’t felt any of the benefits; I’ve gone round and round the early days, gnawing at my nails before succumbing to another glass. I feel strong in so many areas of my life – but not in this area.
I am starting again today. Deep down inside of me, I want this, and I know I can do it. Otherwise, those doors may seal tight shut.
A Dappled Path 
I think that is the secret, knowing deep down that you want it. Right now I am not sure I want it badly enough and that is my problem.
I read your blog from start to finish again a couple of days ago Annie. Remember you did 60 days off it before you started blogging. 60 days is amazing, and a clear illustration of your ability to do this. Remember that you also then did 42 days off it. Remember these facts – they are vital in the early days.
Your blog was part of what inspired me to do a 60 day stint recently. I finished it, then started drinking again. I’m now stopping again, all the while remembering how much better I felt during those 60 AF days.
You CAN do this. You have proven this before.
Have a lovely day : ) x