A step

I have been wandering around in the dark for so long, I needed to do something about it. I have asked someone to be my sponsor! She and  I are meeting this week, and in the meantime she has given me some small, simple but crucial tasks to do. I feel a huge sense of excitiement that I may – just may – be able to find my way out at last. The main thing is that I know I need help. I thought I could do it on my own,  but I kept finding myself back at the start; and increasingly, I was even further back than the start.

It is incredible to me how certain I was that I had this thing under control. Even when I saw that I could barely do one whole day sober, I was still convinced that I would somehow be able to reach moderation nirvana. I would sit drinking wine, reading books about sobriety, and push away the knowledge that I was damaging my mind and my body.

Well, it’s a new start for me.

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7 thoughts on “A step”

  1. Hi, I know how you feel. I’ve tried the moderation thing so many times. It’s soul destroying. When I read Annie Grace’s book there was something in there that clicked for me finally after years of frustratingly trying to moderate. Once your brain has repeated enough of the addictive behaviour it is physically impossible to return to ‘normal’ drinking. As soon as I accepted that fact it became much easier because now there is no option to go back. That doesn’t mean I’m not scared of relapsing. But it does mean I’m not hanging on to that impossible illusion of ‘normal drinking’

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