P.S.

I know it’s silly, but I’m excited to have received an encouraging email from the Dry January team this evening.

Here goes, 2017. I am determined to crack this.

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Preparation

Well, I didn’t make it through yesterday, and I feel hopeless this morning, but I am absolutely determined to succeed with Dry January and will prepare for that today.

This has to be my fresh start; this has to be the year in which I master this and get a new, vibrant life, free from guilt and obsession.

On the train home yesterday, I read everyone’s comments and was so grateful. But back in the house, all my old excuses crushed my resolve. Yes, I’d been assailed by alcohol in London, but I simply must get past this, I must get through these early moments. I was directed to read Groundhog’s recent post, and found that very helpful, as well as everyone else’s advice. ¬†Now I need to dig deep and do it for myself.

Calm morning

My second day, and I’m feeling so good about it, as I haven’t had a drink free day for weeks and weeks. Yesterday afternoon, I went to the gym (also unusual) as I headed towards witching hour, and then my husband and I cooked together. Little things happened: we listened to music, we chatted… I know it sounds like nothing, but when I’m drinking, everything goes by the wayside: I don’t bother with music, I shout rather than chat, I might not cook. Drinking obliterates everything else, it makes me lazy, it stops me appreciating the small things.

So, day 2. We’re heading off to London for the day, so I’ll be busy, but I must watch out for that heady feeling when we return.

December 29th

As I said in my last post, I have signed up for Dry January, but I am starting my new sober plan today, a couple of days early. There’s never a good time to start, it has to be now. And I feel so toxic and dreary, I can’t wait for January 1st.

I have been picking fights with my husband, every evening after drinking. He says I am absolutely not fun to be with, and that any perception of myself as the life and soul of the party is an illusion. This argumentative streak has been creeping up on me, and has become a feature of the toxic me, the one I want to be rid of.

I have asked my husband to take a picture of me this morning, so that I can compare it to me at the end of January, a milestone moment if I get that far; no, not ‘if’, ‘when’ I get that far.

So, here goes. New Annie plan starts now, today. I feel excited; I feel ready. I have stocked up on alcohol-free drinks (already selling out in the supermarket as the nation prepares for January), put a good evening plan in place (no going out, no socials at all, nice food etc), and am trying not to get ahead of myself in the Let’s Reinvent My Whole Mind and Body Plan which involves my losing a stone and becoming super kind and patient and a brilliant sober person overnight. I’ve been here before, and I know the euphoria can wear off pretty quickly.

Signing up

Happy Christmas. Just a few minutes before Boxing Day. ¬†Things haven’t been going brilliantly for me on the drinking front, but I have signed up for Dry January, and am hoping that will give me a kick start.

I have missed my blog, missed my friends here. I hope the next few days will lead me into a more peaceful 2017, free from alcohol.