December 29th

As I said in my last post, I have signed up for Dry January, but I am starting my new sober plan today, a couple of days early. There’s never a good time to start, it has to be now. And I feel so toxic and dreary, I can’t wait for January 1st.

I have been picking fights with my husband, every evening after drinking. He says I am absolutely not fun to be with, and that any perception of myself as the life and soul of the party is an illusion. This argumentative streak has been creeping up on me, and has become a feature of the toxic me, the one I want to be rid of.

I have asked my husband to take a picture of me this morning, so that I can compare it to me at the end of January, a milestone moment if I get that far; no, not ‘if’, ‘when’ I get that far.

So, here goes. New Annie plan starts now, today. I feel excited; I feel ready. I have stocked up on alcohol-free drinks (already selling out in the supermarket as the nation prepares for January), put a good evening plan in place (no going out, no socials at all, nice food etc), and am trying not to get ahead of myself in the Let’s Reinvent My Whole Mind and Body Plan which involves my losing a stone and becoming super kind and patient and a brilliant sober person overnight. I’ve been here before, and I know the euphoria can wear off pretty quickly.

Advertisements

17 thoughts on “December 29th”

  1. Hi Annie! We missed you. ; )

    I have also ruled out all temptation by doing something that is actually fun instead of what is supposed to be fun on New Year’s Eve. I don’t succumb to the pressure of attending parties or ringing in the New Year at midnight, etc. I go out to dinner early, have really good coffee and dessert, maybe watch a movie, and go to bed when I want to. Waking up hangover-free in 2017 is the best part. You are so right to start early — in the past, when using Jan. 1 as a sobriety date, I’ve drunk as much as possible the night before, knowing that it will be the last drink ever. haha. It does not help one launch a sobriety date, let me tell you. The hangover alone is a depressing enough cause to have another drink.

    I love this line: “Any perception of myself as the life and soul of the party is an illusion.” I need to remember that! Tragically, alcohol cases anger. Irrational anger. It’s so easy to gloss over this detail when glorifying those drinking days.

    Here’s to 2017 being our year!

    xoxo

  2. “It’s never a good time to start” How about “It’s ALWAYS a good time to start” or “No time like the present”.All a matter of trying to shift your perspective. Being grumpy, feeling awful, looking awful, being miserable- we can all have that as long as we want-we just need to keep on drinking. The sooner we stop, the sooner we get it behind us and start living better.
    Take care of yourself, plan in advance-leave early if you need to, but don’t drink!
    Xoxo

    1. Yes, shifting perspective is crucial. Listening to The Bubble Hour the other day, someone called Cory was talking about feeling free as opposed to wistful. I’ve been thinking a lot about that. Thanks for reminding me. Annie x

  3. I was becoming an argumentative and agressive drunk. Totally against my nature. I picked fights with my husband every night. The final straw was when I smashed my iphone in to the bathroom sink in a fit of rage. That was 8 weeks ago, I haven’t looked back. Good luck Annie.

    1. It’s against my nature too – I used to be cheerful, kind even. My husband says it’s like being married to 2 different people at the moment. Thanks for commenting here. Annie x

  4. Have you gotten in contact with the addictions counsellor?
    Do you have a list of meetings?
    Have you considered inpatient treatment?

    Perhaps now is the time for this. Your husband is obviously aware something is very wrong.

    You need a plan beyond alcohol free drinks. Surround yourself with support. This can be your true day 1. Do whatever it takes.

    Love and hope
    Anne

    1. Dear Anne, you’ve been with me from the start; thank you for your wise advice. I haven’t been in touch with the addictions counsellor, but my sponsor is in regular contact, so I don’t feel alone. Anniex

      1. Annie, glad to see you back and glad to see you haven’t stopped getting up after you’ve fallen. Please consider Anne’s advice. You’ve tried so many times to get and stay sober in your current environment, a change in environment and working on recovery full-time for a period may be your best chance of breaking this cycle.

        I have a sponsor that I’m in regular contact with, but it’s not enough. I attend meetings, met with addictions counsellor and attended their workshops and seeing a psychologist regularly. While I wasn’t in inpatient treatment, I was off work on sick leave for 6 months and I needed that time to heal. If I could have, I would gave taken longer.

        I wish you the best. Remember that you have a lot of people rooting for you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s