Doing this for me

Thank you for your comments yesterday – and on all the other days. Comments on the blog are so helpful, and I feel less alone. You are right when you say that I ask my husband for permission – I do that a lot. Thankfully, I think he is pretty wise to it, and he tends not to take much notice of what I say, or at least he appears not to, though I know he is listening. But I don’t think he really understands the extent of my problem, partly because I don’t reveal it.

My third sober morning, and I’m feeling good about that, though still not feeling particularly positive. I go back to work tomorrow and I’m a bit worried about that, as it puts me in a less safe environment, one where people associate me with parties, drinking, that sort of thing. As I write those words, I see how ridiculous they are: it’s not as though I drink at work – I don’t. It was at the end of last term where I drank at work parties, and people began to see me in that way. Before that, no one saw me drinking, so I think my perception of myself is skewed, and it is more likely that people don’t see me as a drinker at all. A very close friend said to me recently that she had never seen me drinking – never! And I have known her for many years.

I fear I’m rambling. Suffice to say, I’m still very much here, still head down, plodding.