Anxiety

Thank you for all your support.  I do so need it!  But at the same time, I worry that I will let you down, and that makes me feel anxious.  If you are in the early days of sobriety, and are following my journey, I hope you are also following people who are currently more successful than me – there are so many out there:  Unpickled, ainsobriety, mummywasasecretdrinker, Belle, heyamonster, groundhog, haplesshomsteader, asobermiracle, thesobergarden, soberstella, fitfatfood, itstimetogetsober, sisfor50, Mrs D… – you’ll find them all in the comments they have left on my blog.  And there are many others who I haven’t mentioned, but who are also very inspiring.

I am stumbling forward, but it isn’t a pretty sight.

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16 thoughts on “Anxiety”

  1. Please don’t prepare yourself to drink Annie. This is Day 4 – the longest you’ve gone without alcohol for a long time. We’re all behind you. And the other blogs are great, but we all like seeing yours available in our Reader too 😀

    I’m on the same day as you. These early ones are hideous – let’s not have to start them all over again hey. One hour at a time x

  2. Don’t worry about letting others down Annie, worry about letting yourself down. We are all accountable for our own journeys. Yes, you can be an inspiration, as are many lovely bloggers, but you need to do this for yourself more than anyone. Good luck. xxx

  3. It’s not a case of others being ‘more successful’ than you… we’ve all been there, had endless Day 1s, lots of stumblings and fallings. It’s a brave thing to expose yourself by writing a blog (I never could) and I’m full of admiration for all those who do, for the help it gives others and, hopefully, the help bloggers receive from comments and support. Keep reading, keep writing, and keep sober x

  4. Annie, before you do much else, go to the BBC I player and watch a BBC Wales documentary called “Do I drink too much”. Its only 30 mins and I think it has a lot of good stuff if you bear in mind that we can’t moderate and that one or two for us probably means bottles but it does show you just how much of a risk we have been taking.

    Justonemore

  5. It’s not about us Annie. It’s about you finding the peace you so badly want in sobriety. None of us would be on here if it was easy. It’s not easy. It’s bloody hard, but we’ve had a taste of how worth it, it can be. Please don’t worry about letting anyone down. Just look after yourself and take any support you can x

  6. Rock’n’Roll Annie. One day 4 is so much better than four day 1’s.
    I know that at this stage it can seem like two steps forward and one step back, but that also is so much better than one step forward one step back, it is still progress. You have come this far, the inner strength is there.
    Concentrate on what is right for you, what is good for you, and be kind to yourself.
    Kind regards.
    Steve. X.

  7. Annie sweetie, stop laying the groundwork to fail. This is something you do often, set the scene for a relapse. So stop it.

    And I’ll go a little against the grain here. Yes, I and I’m betting others will be disappointed if you drink tonight. Lots of us are rooting for you and see how wounded you are and also see see how close you are to pulling yourself out of the dark, dark hole of addiction. So disappointed only starts to cover it.

    Yes, you need to do this for yourself. But, shit, if that doesn’t work, then do it for me or for the new people following you or for the postman — whatever keeps you from opening that bottle. I really don’t care — just don’t drink.

    And don’t think that apologizing ahead of time does a thing to stem the disappointment, especially the disappointment of your husband and kids, who KNOW what’s going on and have to be terrified for you and for themselves. One of the the many ploys we alcoholics use is to pretend our drinking doesn’t have consequences, that it only impacts us, that no one notices or cares or should care how much we drink. Well that’s just self-serving BS. The least of your worries is letting down a bunch of sober or almost-sober bloggers. The REAL concern is hurting maybe destroying your marriage and damaging your children, maybe forever.

    Sorry to be blunt, but the stakes are high. Don’t drink.

  8. Annie, you have exposed yourself by having a blog. ]It isn’t uncommon to see you shut your blog down. We all know what is happening during those times. We all want to see you succeed. I personally come here every day and sigh a big sigh of relief when I see you are still here. Only you can turn your story in to a success. Nobody else can do it for you. You aren’t here to please other people. You are here to write your story. Right now you are stuck on chapter one. There are many more chapters to write. Re writing chapter one over and over again must be so frustrating. Have a vision of chapter 2, 4, 44. Where do you want to take this story? You are the author. You choose the outcome.

  9. HI Annie

    I am on day 3 ( again ). Don’t give up,you deserve more. I want more than waking up with a hangover, feeling kinda crappy all day, drinking to feel better and then starting again. I have found it helpful to try and understand why I drink and just take it minute by minute. Don’t think ahead in the future, it will overwhelm you. Just stay right here. You can do it!

  10. You can’t let us down. We own our own emotions and your success is something we truly hope for you, but that really has nothing to do with us.

    Please continue to find help to sort this out. You can do it.

  11. Stumbling forward is still forward. I think what a lot of folks have said here makes sense – don’t compare yourself to others in recovery ways (or other ways). This is your journey. Many of us on this path, helping one another, but the journey remains ours. Continue to find support that can point you in the right direction. I have faith.

    blessings
    Paul

  12. Annie, my main hope that you continue with this journey is that you too can share the joy of not drinking. Those who are further ahead know how tough and ugly the early days can be, but those hurdles get shorter and further apart pretty quickly.
    Stay strong, reach out, read and listen and know that you can do this and you totally deserve it! X

  13. Hi Annie, following along with you. I am on day 5. It is still going pretty well. I have support for the first time from my husband who is doing a dry January. It makes it so much easier with neither of us drinking. Just take it one day at a time.

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