Saturday evening…

…and having a Beck’s Blue (like Sober Mummy, I find them a good substitute). Earlier this evening, I found the old thoughts swirling round my head, about not liking doing Dry January, that sort of thing. But I really am trying to push those thoughts aside, and to focus on the bigger picture: getting sober.

I feel a bit weary, but I am here, nearly at the end of Day 6.

22 thoughts on “Saturday evening…”

  1. Hi Annie, thanks for your reply yesterday. I have been looking forward to your post all day. I have felt very alone in my drinking habits (I live with my 12 year old). Occasionally I have mentioned to a friend that I am drinking too much and they usually say something along the lines of ‘well at least it’s not a bottle a day’. And at that point I would just agree rather than actually admitting that it was in fact a bottle a day…. I think this is the first time I have said it out loud (well, so to speak) and admitted it to anyone. I am feeling pretty good and realise how irritable I am usually. A friend stood me up for a walk today as she was too hungover. Part of me was triumphant that I am so clear headed for a Saturday but part of me just longed to be in that position as it would have meant a night of sitting there drinking. But I clung to the positive and tonight I am drinking tonic water (which I found in the cupboard – out of date in 2015 – but is mostly OK) and eating more crisps. Do keep going. One of the things I really am getting from The Sober Diaries is that so much does get better with time and we don’t realise it until we get there. I can hardly comprehend the thought of never having a glass of wine again, but I listened to the interview Clare did on Radio 2 (and have downloaded the R4 one to listen to later) and she says now it is just a way of life not to drink – so I take courage from that and keep going for another day. Well done to you – nearly the first week done! CH

    1. It is true. It does become a way of life.
      Especially with young kids. Once I realized my kids needed a rational, clearheaded parent, who could drive them places, it added to my resolve to stay sober.
      My favourite part of the sober diaries is when her son says she’s more mummyish. So true for me too.
      4 years sober and I don’t regret a moment of them!

  2. Annie, you are sober. You are sober now. Keep on with sober. The gift and magic are already there. You will start to see them very soon. You are not depriving yourself, you are making a choice to look after yourself, to grow, to care for, nurture yourself.

    I read the article by William Leith as well after seeing it mentioned here.. thankyou to the poster. It is fabulous and a year in I breathed a huge sigh of relief. It was painful to read. The anxiety, the shame, the self loathing. It made me feel quite ill. Remembering how awful I really felt deep inside.

    Keep taking each day at a time. Dont start searching for potental ways to self sabotage.

    You are doing this now. Keep doing it. Keep on creating this space, its where you are truly looking out for, dare I say learning to love yourself. You are building your dream home, you are home, don’t knock it down before you have got your foundations in. You will want to inhabit it soon.

    I love sober mummy she has been an amazing help and is a truly wonderful inspiration. I also recommend Laura Mckowen..her writing massively helped me as well…before and through the early days, and now. There are two links pasted below. “Two hands” was one of the posts that truly helped to get me to ” I cannot continue like this”. I cried hard.. I knew…the relief and realisation. It spoke to my soul. And “don’t let the house burn down” reminds me why.

    All I know Annie is I am sitting here, tired and happy, having chosen to push myself into uncomfortable territory today. I do it a lot more now. I enjoy it. And it crossed my mind today how even if I had managed to do this 18 months ago, it would have had a drink tied to it the night or day before to build me up and then at the end. A “reward”… A crutch. A drain…a growth stealer and a heart breaker.. all that I achieved today and continue to achieve would have been stolen by it. Twisted by it, appropriated by it, throughout the entire day of magical unfolding, and at the end it would have felt hollow and full of ashes. Its like SWF… Takes it all.

    I thank every single day.

    I am sharing below the links to the blog posts I mentioned. I hope they help.

    You are sober. Stay with it.

    Hugs.
    E xxx

    http://www.lauramckowen.com/blog/two-hands

    http://www.lauramckowen.com/blog/2016/10/21/dont-let-the-house-burn-down

  3. Well done Annie. I’ve just had a lovely meal and lots of black currant and soda water. It was strange eating a meal and having pudding. I usually just eat the food as a sideline to the drinking! Think of how good we will feel tomorrow😃

      1. Ok thanks. It was weird doing a big shop without alcohol. But I feel really well and very determined at the moment. As you say work goes bring triggers but I’m so desperate to get there this time that I will taking it easy as much as I can when I can. Day 7 feels good:) hope you’re ok x

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