Choice

I have got a choice: carry on drinking, or stop.

Every day that I drink, the patterns of behaviour get worse: I drink more, I drink earlier, I think about it more often, I plan it. Then I sleep badly, panic and feel guilty.

Everything points to my stopping, but a kind of madness grips me every day, round about this time (12.50pm) and I try to push all thoughts of abstinence from my mind.  But what I’ve noticed in the past few days is that it’s getting much worse; and I want to stop, but can’t.

So maybe I don’t have a choice.

7 thoughts on “Choice”

  1. Hi Annie, please don’t start thinking that you can’t quit because you can. I am no expert, but I think sometimes understanding/ recognising how the situation can get so much worse if you continue can help (last time I drank I began to see how things such as anxiety can lead people to drink earlier and earlier in their day, and I am very much a candidate for that). Please reach out to someone, you can do this. Big Hugs x

  2. Annie, I found myself spiraling in waves throughout the last couple of years I drank. It was almost as if I was daring myself to get ‘bad enough’ that either someone would notice and say something, or I would push myself too far and not be able to pretend I was ‘fine.’ I think I just wanted the decision taken out of my hands, while on a subconscious level wondering how far I could truly push it/my drink habit. Answer: Pretty fucking far. … Reach back out to those around you. Start over and over. However many Overs it takes. -HM.

  3. It fucking hard to pull yourself out of drinking. Every time I slip, it seems I go deeper and deeper into that dark hole. It takes all I have, and sometimes more, to stop. One day it will click. It will all make sense. I have to admit, I am not sure it really clicked for me yet. Try and try and try… I am trying like crazy. As long as you are trying, there is hope.

  4. I agree with Time. It is harder and harder each time. But you have to keep trying. That’s all you can do. Never give up. We are all here for you Annie. A x

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