Over at the blog Mummywasasecretdrinker, my sober friend Sober Mummy is celebrating a year’s sobriety. Her story is completely inspiring, and she helps me to see that sobriety really is better.
I woke this morning with a hangover, having failed to get through another day one yesterday. But I am starting again today, and I am determined to quit drinking. Today is going to be my day, the day I sober up and stop treading water.
Yes, I have tried countless times, but never have I felt so weary of the pattern. But I have a steely resolve, along with the vision of a better future, inspired by Sober Mummy.
I have not yet decided how I’m going to do it. First, I have to not drink today. Beyond that, I need a plan. Meetings have put me off in the past, but that doesn’t mean I won’t try them again. I don’t want to go to the addiction centre, but I may need to reconsider that. I need to get all the alcohol out of my system, and get a clearer head.
My head aches.
A Dappled Path 
Honestly, I don’t think you need a plan. Just don’t drink. Wake up every morning saying no drinking today. You may need to remind yourself every hour every minute. As time goes along you will find ways to make it easier. Stay busy, let everyone know what your doing. I really believe until you let everyone know you aren’t drinking anymore and ask for their support you can’t succeed. It’s too easy to fall back if no one knows. You have to really really want this.
Go back to Meetings. Let people know you’re stuggling. The support has gotten ME 52 days this far, the longest ever.
Sober Mummy hit the nail on the head when she said she could not even imagine what her life would be when she quit drinking. Neither can you, dear, but take today to imagine a life where you never feel the way you did this morning again. Think about how much easier your life will be. And dream of the good things that will come. Because they will. It is not about what you’re giving up, it’s about what you’re going to receive.
Annie, at least you have come back, that’s a start. I have been reading SM and other blogs and I can see how hard this is. Your blog also shows that you clearly understand the issues and have debated the challenge with yourself and people here. The task is different for each one of us – I have had a good run so far, although no weight loss and the skin on my hands look like they have been through the TARDIS (Dr WHO for you lovely people across the pond – please vote for Hilary by the way) but I like being sober, not having hangovers and I can drive without looking over my shoulder in the mornings. But, I still have to find other stuff to do as displacement activity and that has ranged from walking the streets, reading these blogs assiduously and even just going to bed early and listening to Jo Wiley. I haven’t socialised in the evenings and I’m lucky that I am supported at home, we’re both doing the 100 day challenge and I stand to lose £1000 if I touch a drop. All these small differences add up and have helped get me here to 3 Mar – and I won’t drink tonight even though I’ve just been invited out with the crowd from work for Thursday Happy Hour – I’ll take myself off for a walk round the streets. Annie, keep writing, try and be positive, it will work out for you but you may well need some more tangible help to get you started. Write to us all again tonight at around 7.30pm. Oh, Americans, if you can’t vote for Hilary, please don’t vote for Donald – we have been at this game for longer over here and we still ended up with lunatics like Tony Blair!!
Justonemore
As you suggested, checking in this evening, not quite 7.30pm but 6.30pm and I’m about to have an alcohol-free beer, the first time in weeks that I’ve got to this point of the evening without an alcoholic drink. Thanks for being here. Annie x
Well done Annie, not too sure about the AF beer…. Pellegrino with a slice of lemon do it for you? Sorry about trying to influence American politics but its another distraction, that and ranting about the motorways heading south west and Great Western trains – more distractions!! I walked the streets this evening and had a coffee in Costa and avoided my friends in the bar. You may not find that a useful strategy (and it depends where you live) but I work away from home during the week and it stops me going stir crazy and seeking temptation. Tea and bed now.
Have a good night.
Justonemore
Hello, gorgeous. I’m so honoured to get a shout out on your blog, and really happy if I’ve inspired you. Feeling quite tearful.
You can be celebrating a year too, in just 365 one-day-at-a-times. You just have to believe in yourself, and know that it is going to make you so much happier. You’ve been doing the hardest bits for ever, which is a miserable way to live.
Move on. Leave it behind. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Love you. SM x
Hug
I only want what’s best for you.
I’ve been behind you all the way.
More help is better than doing it alone. I’m encouraging you to find it.
You deserve peace. Trying to find it alone isn’t working. Try different.
Anne
I am finding everything Tommy Rosen is helping me! I am going through his 5 part video series, I watch him on YouTube, I joined his Recovery 2.0 group, his In the Rooms programs – and everything he says just resonates with me. His approach is truly holistic. I even love his definition of addiction “Any behaviour that you continue to engage in despite the negative consequences that the behaviour leaves in its wake”.
Hi Annie,
It’s great that you are still trying. Have you tried having your evening baths again? They seemed to help you a while back.
Maybe you should consider the addiction centre again, or going to meetings? I think outside help may help you.
Anyway, stay strong and keep trying.
A x