What a difference the sun makes. Very blue sky today, and everything feels hopeful. I’m on day 16, so I am nearly past the 18 days I managed last summer. It feels good to be getting some momentum – I’m going to hang onto it.
Sorry for my slump of the past couple of days. I worry that I might de-motivate people following a similar path to me. In fact, I feel quite frightened that if something goes wrong, and I fail, that might mean other people fail. I feel like saying, ‘Take no notice of me! I have no idea what I’m doing!’
I think I’ve mentioned it before, but there is an excellent alcohol-free pink fizz called Pearl Rose which I get from the Alcohol-free shop online in the UK. It has just a touch of bitterness (like me)!
A Dappled Path 
Don’t worry that your posts are “derailing” others. Rather, your posts articulate what many of us in the early days (again) may be feeling but are unable to express. It’s good to see that you are feeling better!
I want to echo soberinny, and say you’re not responsible for anyone else but you. Sharing your story is helping so many others – warts and all. One thing sobriety has taught me is that I need to worry about Me (and mostly/only me). Other people will take care of themselves because they are worrying (mostly/only) about their Mes. *smile* You’re doing great, Annie. If you can, stay away from the ‘what ifs.’ Don’t set yourself up, or plan to fail. You’re taking it one day/moment at a time, and that is going great – even when it’s not perfect. *flex* …. And to say, my time wasn’t perfect (and still isn’t!) in the Day 20s – Day 200s. I struggled with the ‘Should I really?’ and the ‘Moderation?’ question almost daily. It wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t easy (although some days I got a break). I just told myself I can’t drink today because …… And then I would fill in all the horrible blanks. I would promise myself if I really felt strongly about it, that I could have a drink tomorrow. And so I kept just putting it off one day, and each day I would find the resolve to do that again. (And I still use that trick now when Temptation shows up.) Not perfect. Not easy. And not what I thought sobriety would be, but? The benefits and the positive outcomes that have come with staying sober each day have far outweighed the discomfort of the daily struggles. My memory? Is like a steel trap! I am Loving It. Such a difference from my later days of drinking when I felt like a mushy blob with no brain power at all. …. I’m cheering for you, Annie.* In all your human, sober glory! Luff, -HM.
Excellent points. It IS a struggle, a daily struggle, but as you say, on balance, life is so much better without the drink. Not perfect, but when is it ever? Certainly a lot closer to perfect than when I was drinking.
Annie, I’ve always thought you’re very sweet, not bitter! And you’re doing great, so I’ll add strong as well 🙂
The smiley face was missing ☺
Yes. Focus on you. No apologizing to us.
We only want you to be happy and free.
When I first stopped drinking, I looked outward a lot, and a lot of that was really just me trying to find a way to drink again. I worried that my friends would think I was dull and no fun (not true, in fact, I found that the heavier drinkers among them were dull and no fun after the first bottle, and I saw myself unfavorably in their uncharming antics). I thought I would make people uncomfortable by not drinking or they would judge me for having a problem and stopping (not true, in fact, hardly anyone noticed when I stopped, as long as their glasses were full (for the serious drinkers — the others were mostly happy I was happy and much more pleasant to be around). I thought speaking up at meetings about my struggles quitting would make them think I was an alcoholic like them (not true, in fact, I was an alcoholic like them, they didn’t make me that way, they just gave me support when I finally admitted it to myself). It is really all about you. How do you want to go through this wide world — eyes open and easy with yourself or stumbling along in a haze of booze and regret?
I really appreciate learning about your journey. Both the positive and the difficult. It helps me to know realistically what this process is about. And during times of struggle, it helps to see that others struggle as well. So tell your truth Annie!! Keep it real. That’s what helps you and us the most. You are doing SO well!
Isn’t is awesome that all these women from all areas of life can come together and support each other online like this? I am so impressed by Sober Mummy’s and this blog and all the contributors.
Well done Annie – another weekend done. Another week ahead. Hope work is good and that the good moments outweigh the bad for all of us. And let’s have some decent weather! X
Your posts are inspirational. Keep posting, whatever you are feeling. xxx
Hi Annie, don’t worry about what other people think. Your blog is for you. You are doing great. Keep going. A x
Day 16, yeehaa!! We are all cheering you on, I haven’t commented before (new to this) but have checked your blog each day for the last week and grin every time I see your count going up. Hour by hour, day by day – you’ve got this!
Annie…I think you should go to some meetings…so much of what you say/write here is common thinking in early sobriety. …I think some fellowship and relating will really be helpful and healing for you. Keep going!
Jenn
Hi, I read blogs from people who haven’t had a drink in years, and people who are just starting out or starting again. When it comes to myself I do well sometimes and not so well others. You can’t derail me, I already do a good job of that myself! 😃 it’s refreshing to read about someone who finds this hard like I do. Good work for 16 days!
Hi Annie, congrats on 16 days. Your honesty and humility inspires me. I’m so happy that you are doing so well. Noddy
I often have nothing to share and am struggling to share anyway. (Isn’t that the point of blogging?) Ironically, it’s often the sad posts that are the most motivating. It helps me to stay sober because I see myself in the same mood and possibly drinking over it. It reinforces my need to not do that!