Opening the blog, writing, reading, then closing the blog…in recent months, this has become another cycle in my life, and one which has been really troubling me. What happens is that I write, I commit to something, and then I become overwhelmed by an irrational fear, and close the blog in a panic. It is as though the blog mirrors my anxieties.
This morning, my husband said he felt distant from me. The drink has been driving me away. The children are uncertain as to how I’m going to react to something, one minute calm, the next angry.
I found writing a list yesterday therapeutic. Now I need to be proactive. Stopping drinking is vital, and I know that I will feel better in every area of my life. Fear and procrastination have been ruling me for years.
My poor, patient husband… he is so kind not to be walking out, leaving me to it. His love and support are things I cannot take for granted.
A day at a time, I need not to drink. I will not drink today, and I’ll report in again tomorrow.