Day 10. I’m getting used to the unsettled feelings I get from about 3pm onwards, when I try to talk myself out of the sober plan. What I wasn’t prepared for was the massive trigger I had at 9am when I went to a meeting for the parents at one of my children’s schools. I walked into the classroom a little after the other mums, and there might as well have been 25 bottles of wine sitting there, one in each chair. I’ve got 3 children, and each set of parents has been different: but this particular class are The Party Class, the mums who like to go out for drinks mid-week, or who drink until the early hours at a school event. They are all good fun, and I don’t resent them for wanting to be wild at times, but today I felt the peril hovering over the room. Instead of listening to the teacher, I found myself working out what I was going to say when we next all go out, or how disappointed some of them will be when they find out I’m not drinking again. I know I know I know that I will have to deal with this, and that their opinions don’t matter, but I still found myself worrying about it. And what is worse, I then found myself – at 9am remember! – wishing that I was able to drink.
One of the other bloggers has been writing something similar, so I know these feelings aren’t unusual. I’m putting them here, so that I can examine them. I feel as though I’m beginning to get used to the sober pattern I’m making at home; but going out, being out of this safe-ish place is another story.