Trigger Tuesday

Day 10. I’m getting used to the unsettled feelings I get from about 3pm onwards, when I try to talk myself out of the sober plan.  What I wasn’t prepared for was the massive trigger I had at 9am when I went to a meeting for the parents at one of my children’s schools.  I walked into the classroom a little after the other mums, and there might as well have been 25 bottles of wine sitting there, one in each chair.  I’ve got 3 children, and each set of parents has been different:  but this particular class are The Party Class, the mums who like to go out for drinks mid-week, or who drink until the early hours at a school event.  They are all good fun, and I don’t resent them for wanting to be wild at times, but today I felt the peril hovering over the room.  Instead of listening to the teacher, I found myself working out what I was going to say when we next all go out, or how disappointed some of them will be when they find out I’m not drinking again.  I know I know I know that I will have to deal with this, and that their opinions don’t matter, but I still found myself worrying about it.  And what is worse, I then found myself – at 9am remember! – wishing that I was able to drink.

One of the other bloggers has been writing something similar, so I know these feelings aren’t unusual.  I’m putting them here, so that I can examine them.  I feel as though I’m beginning to get used to the sober pattern I’m making at home; but going out, being out of this safe-ish place is another story.

12 thoughts on “Trigger Tuesday”

  1. Congrats on day 10!! Very good!!

    I’m new to this sobriety thing and only out here for 2 weeks but to me this school event does not sound like a safe place to be with so many persons that are ‘hooked’? You could try having ‘another appointment’. Having a way out seems to be an AA strategy.

    Also, and not wanting to speak badly about your friends but don’t you think that people who explicitely want you to drink alcohol, have a drinking issue themselves? And are only looking for accomplices? If this whole story was about heroine it would be really clear what your actions should / could be and how much in the wrong people are that want to get you back on the stuff. 😦

    Hope you can appreciate my comment.

    1. Yes, I do appreciate your comment. I’m very aware of those people who seem disappointed when I stop drinking, or who try to persuade me to change my course. Someone from that crowd recently suggested I switch the kind of drink I drink, in order to drink less, so beer instead of wine… as if that would help! For the moment, I am going to avoid the party crew. Annie x

  2. Hi there!
    I think you will be surprised at how little people comment on our not drinking. I used to give myself huge anxiety about this, and it never was as bad as I expected!
    Some things I skipped for a while. Sobriety is a fragile thing at the beginning. You need to protect yourself and to be kind to your self.
    I expect some of those ladies have their own personal dilemmas with drinking. You might find unexpected support on have a break. Others will react less positively, but remember that it is often their own fears making them behave like that. If you had tried to take my booze away last year I would have gotten angry and defensive too.
    You will find a new balance that is healthier for you! Stick with it!

    1. I’ve just looked ahead at the diary and I don’t have ANY social things for a few weeks, so that’s good. It makes it easier for me to work on the home stuff – and that’s hard enough! Annie x

  3. Day 10, brilliant!! Well done 🙂 Yes it sounds as though if you hung out with the people you’re talking about, alcohol would be very much on their agenda, making it difficult for you. Avoidance is probably a good idea! I did go to a party 12 days in, but I made it clear I would be leaving if at any point I couldn’t handle it. I had no idea who would be there other than the couple we were going with. As it turned out, I was fine and even drove the four of us to the pub afterwards. I left about 45mins or so before everyone else though, when Id had enough and just needed my bed, around half past midnight. But had it been crowded and loud I would have hated it. So yes, definitely make sure you can get away precisely when you need to, if you do go out.

    This weekend when I went out, I was mainly anxious about the people who I knew would be there. All my insecurities came up. But even then, in the end it wasn’t half as bad as I thought it was going to be.

  4. Over the last six months I have done a fair bit of sober socialising when I have had periods of not drinking. I find it easier just not to tell people and most don’t notice. I have also had some fantastic nights out while not drinking. Some of the best of my life, in fact. So will you. xx

  5. Three things: #1 freaking out about things that haven’t happened yet (sometimes called “future tripping”) is a trap that cycles into the expectations/resentments arena #2 that safe space you’re creating at home is your “bubble” and you will get good at taking it with you when you leave home #3 HURRAY FOR TEN DAYS!!!

  6. Sober first, every other challenge second. There’ll be a day when seeing those bottles won’t bother you. For now, just focus on how well you’re doing and that the light of it getting easier is shining with promise round the corner x

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